Three, Two, One (321)

And then I do get what I want. I take what JD gives me. Because her eyes lift and meet mine. She holds my gaze with none of the maliciousness I came in here with. She holds my gaze with trust.

I look back. Her attention is on me, not JD. But JD doesn’t seem to mind that she’s stopped, because his fingers are playing with her clit, making her eyes droop to half-mast. And when he says, “Jerk off, man. She’s waiting for you to start,” I get that feeling once again.

This will not turn out well.

But I’m caught in the spell of a trusting girl, my best friend, and a rock-hard cock. I can’t help myself. I begin to move my hand up and down my shaft. My thumb slides up over my wet tip and then my palm slips back down my length in long, slow strokes.

A few pumps with Blue’s eyes on my movements and I’m dying. JD’s fingers are fully inside her now, and she’s buckling her back as he soaps up her breasts. He withdraws his fingers, reaches under her, and lifts her up with two hands cupping her ass. Her legs wrap around his hips and he enters her with one quick thrust.

She gasps, her fingernails digging into his shoulders. And then he slows down and fucks her like that for a few moments. “You like it hard or slow, Blue?” he asks.

“Both,” she whispers.

“You like it rough or soft?”

“Both.”

“You like me or him?”

Blue opens her eyes and looks first at me, then back to him. “Both.”

“Why?”

His question stops her and me at the same time. “Why?” she asks.

He nods. “Why both? Why not just one?”

She looks at me, but I can’t help her. Because I’m interested too. She takes her gaze back to JD, who is fucking her so slowly now, it’s just a barely detectable grinding. “Because I need to be surrounded. I need be held on both sides. I can’t feel safe unless I’m surrounded.”

I don’t know what that means, but JD must, because he kisses her on the lips. It’s a long, tender kiss. Not a kiss I usually see him give. If he kisses the girls we film, it’s always hard and demanding.

But everything about Blue is soft.

And JD, who is normally not soft, decides in this moment that he will be soft for her. He gives in. I can see it.

I stop masturbating and just watch them.

Blue responds with a long, passionate kiss of her own. Her body, still being held up only by JD’s hands under her ass, slowly moves in tandem with his hips.

I watch them make love.

And when JD comes inside her, she doesn’t throw her head back and scream out her release. She rests her head on his shoulder and cries.

I get up and walk out of the shower, grabbing a towel on my way. I’m just about to walk out and go back to my own room when they start talking. Their words echo off the bathroom walls.

“Is it because we want to share?” JD asks. She must say no, because JD says, “Then what is it?”

There’s some sniffling and a long pause. I walk back over to the open bathroom door and listen as her small voice tries to make sense of things. “I don’t want him to hate me.”

JD laughs. “Sweetheart, he’s got it bad for you. There’s no way in hell he’s gonna hate you.”

There’s a few more minutes of talking. Reassurances from JD. Promises, even. And then the silence that says she accepts what he’s telling her is true just as the water shuts off.

I take a deep breath and drop my towel on the floor. I’m practically dry now anyway. So I just crawl in to JD’s bed and flop over, face first on the mattress, forcing myself to push aside all the warning bells going off in my head. Because JD is right.

I’ve got it bad.

I want her and I’ll take her any way I can get her.

A few moments later the bathroom light turns off and the room goes dark. They are silent as they climb into bed next to me and the girl’s warm skin touches mine as JD pulls her close to him.

He’s hogging her now because he can, and I feel the anger building up again.

But then her tiny hand finds mine in the dark and she grabs hold of it. Gives it a squeeze.

I squeeze back.

JD’s breath is like a whisper across the back of my neck. It lingers the way a whisper does, and then he’s kissing my scar.

I open my eyes. Ark is sleeping in the bed next to me. His chest is rising and falling in the same rhythm as the tiny puffs of air JD is caressing my skin with. Ark’s dark hair falls over one eye, his cheek pressed against the mattress. He doesn’t use a pillow, and that suits him for some reason—that Ark should prefer to sleep without a comfort everyone takes for granted. This makes the line from his neck to the dip at the small of his back more straight than it might be. One arm is flung out towards me, only a few inches from my own, which is tucked up under my chin. His palm is facing down on the white sheets and I want nothing more than to grab hold of him and never let go.

JD’s kisses recapture my attention. “Hey,” he says, right next to my ear so the sound gets caught in the curve of the shell. Captured. Maybe to keep Ark sleeping while JD gives me some attention.

“Hey,” I say back with the same discretion.

“I’m sorry I made you cry last night.”

“You didn’t,” I insist.

He says nothing to that. I’m not ready to talk yet, and he’s not gonna push me. That’s what he said last night after I cried. He’s not gonna push me to talk. And that feels like a miracle. How did I find two people with more secrets than me, at just the moment when I needed it most?