She does not unlock it.
And that’s when I notice the cameras. “You’ve been filming all this?”
“You told me to,” he says, still twisting the handle. “Blue?” He pounds on it a few times. “Open the fucking door.”
Silence.
I sit down on the bed and hold my hands in my head. “What the fuck is going on?”
JD is staring at me when I look back up. “We give you the vanilla tapes. I keep the ravish—”
“Stop using that stupid word!”
“Whatever. I keep the rough ones. But I taped them, just like you wanted. She’s happy with this, Ark. She is. All you have to do is watch them and you’ll see. You just told her she was sick for liking it, so she’s gonna have a hard time admitting that to you, but this is fact. The girl wants to be choked. And spanked. And I’m not talking little swats to the ass. She likes it hard, dude. She wants my dick down her throat, the tears streaming down her face, on her knees—”
“Enough!” I bellow. “Jesus fucking Christ. How the fuck can you be so stupid? So blind? Did it ever occur to you that she likes it because she can’t stop thinking of herself as a goddamned prisoner?”
“She likes it because it feels good. You just refuse to admit that.”
“She told me tonight she feels like a bird in a cage with the door open, you idiot. In her mind, she never stopped being a fucking captive! And you’re making it worse!”
“Fuck you. You’re just jealous—”
I cross the room so fast, I even surprise myself. The next moment, JD is sprawled out on the floor and my hand is wrapped around his neck. I’m bigger than him by twenty pounds and three inches at least. And I’m stronger than him. I work out five days a week in the gym downstairs. So he never has a chance.
I lean down into his face as it turns red. “I’m only gonna say this one time, my friend. If you ever fuck her like she’s a whore on the street again, I will kill you.”
I listen as they fight. When JD pounds on the door, I stumble backwards and fall on my ass, and then I crab-walk myself into the corner near the shower and pull my legs up to my chest as they continue to argue outside.
Ark is bigger than JD. Not by much, but in all the ways that count. Longer arms. Taller. Heavier. More muscular. He’s built like a Navy SEAL, even if he never became one. And that’s how I know he’s the one doing the choking and JD is the one making those noises on the other side of the door.
I want to go out there and tell Ark JD is right. I do like it. Every time JD slaps my face I only want him to fuck me harder. Every time he calls me a whore or a slut, I only want him to hold me tighter.
But I don’t like it. I need it. And I’m not sure that’s the same thing.
A wail echoes through the bathroom and it takes me a moment to realize it’s coming from me. And then the sobs start. I’m out of control as the images flash through my mind. The beatings while I was being held against my will. The rapes I was subjected to. The way they used my body to betray my mind. Made me come after reducing me to nothing but a thing.
JD and Ark are yelling and fighting again on the other side of the door. Things break. They crash into the bathroom door, and I’m immediately grateful that the doors in this place are thick, hard wood. Because it doesn’t burst open.
I can’t move. I can’t think straight. I can’t do anything but huddle in the corner and shake.
What will happen to me now? Who will ever love me like this? Why am I so fucked up?
A door slams and vibrates the wall I’m leaning against.
The front door.
But which one of them left?
Another sob escapes as the fear grows. Will he beat me? Will he rape me?
“Blue?” Ark asks.
I let out a cry and then I just break down, throwing myself forward on to the rug. My fear is replaced with relief and that’s almost as bad.
Because maybe Ark is right.
Maybe I was letting JD keep me prisoner. Sexually. Mentally. And emotionally.
“Blue?” I can hear her crying on the other side of the door. My heart is beating so fast I have to lean against the hard wood to calm down. “Blue, baby? You OK?”
She’s sobbing now, but it’s muffled. Like she doesn’t want me to hear.
“Blue? He’s gone, OK? He left. You can come out now.” For a moment I wonder if I’m the one she’s afraid of. Please, God, I pray silently. Please don’t let her be afraid of me. “Blue, I’m not gonna hurt you, you know that, right?” Silence. “Blue, just unlock the door and you can do whatever you want. You can call someone. Or leave.”
More crying.
“Or stay. You can stay, Blue. You know I love you, right? I love you and it’s not dependent on this relationship, or JD, or the sex. OK? None of that matters. I just love you.”
She’s sniffling and I can picture her on the other side of the door, lying on the rug.
“Blue, if you open the door, we’ll just go to bed. Just rest and not talk about it. Sleep together. Just hold each other. OK? No talking. No sex. No calling anyone. Just…” Fuck. Just open the door, is all I want to say. “Just be together. That’s what couples do, right?”
Goddamn it. I should have known better than to leave her alone with JD.
“It’s not your fault, Blue. It’s mine. JD… he’s…”
Fuck.
I take a deep breath and slide down the door until I’m sitting on the floor with my back against it, letting out the long sigh of air as I settle.