Kisses and Lies

The minute his car is gone, I get in my car and call Marcus, but he doesn’t answer. I swear and start driving to his place. He has to be there, right? Because as I drive to his, I bypass his work and he isn’t there. My hands shake as I drive, and tears are streaming down my face.

What did he mean?

What did he mean…

He couldn’t have been the guy.

Could he?

Stepping on the gas, I speed up and pull into his driveway. We didn’t arrange to see each other tonight, but right now I need him. I need him more than I’ve needed anyone for a long time.

I’ve been so numb. So numb, that right now I feel like I’m being slammed with all the emotions at once. And not one of them is good.

Pulling up at his house, I see he’s not here. Where is he? Why isn’t he here? I know he isn’t a social man.

I call him again—there’s no answer.

Hitting the steering wheel, I try to think of where else he could be. I should drive home, but I don’t want to be by myself right now.

Pulling back out, I go to the one place I was told never to go to again. I don’t stop on the way, and when I pull up to the front of the gigantic gates, which let me in, I spot his truck straight away. Taking only my keys with me, I walk in. It’s not a party like the last few times I’ve been here, it’s tamer, quieter. There’re a few people sitting at a bar, Blaze not being one of them.

I look around for Marcus, and don’t see him.

Harper spots me and waves me over.

“Oh God, you’re here,” she says in a tone that doesn’t sound happy. But I’m not in the mood to dive into that right now, because I need to find Marcus.

“Yeah, look, I don’t want to stay. I need to find Marcus. He isn’t answering his phone.”

“I know where he is.”

Turning around, I see her, that same stupid-ass blonde. I don’t even care what her name is.

“Where is he?” I ask, almost desperately.

She pulls the door open completely and it reveals she’s naked. “Do you really want to know the answer to that?” Her eyebrows raise in question.

“Yes.”

She steps out and points in. Stepping up closer to her, but not inside the room, I see him. He’s asleep on the bed with no shirt on and a sheet covering his bottom half. I look up to her and know straight away she’s won.

“He was in the mood, so was I. Didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

She did, of course, and she meant it because she’s a cunt like that.

“You fucked him?” I ask, looking incredulously where he’s lying asleep. Not a sound comes from him. Marcus looks so peaceful, so fucking beautiful. I hate him and love him all at once.

He’s made me numb.

Or perhaps death has.

And those two? They are like twins.

I don’t know who I am anymore.

Is it because of him?

“Come on, sweetheart, you do have eyes, right?”

My angry eyes fly to her, the blonde bitch. I want to pull her hair out, but I won’t. I won’t stoop to her level. Stepping away, a hand touches me, and I pull away.

“Rochelle,” Harper says, as I turn to leave.

I run to my car and see Blaze standing at the entrance, watching me. Putting my car in reverse, I leave as fast as I can. My eyes fill with water as I head straight to my sister’s house. It’s the last place I can go to. My mother will ask too many questions, and I need to be with someone. Being alone right now isn’t an option.

Wiping at my eyes, I manage to drive to Kat’s house, which isn’t too far from mine. And when I get out she comes over with Annabelle on her hip.

“Roch?”

“Can I stay tonight?”

“Yes. Of course.”

I walk past Kat into her house. She’s in the middle of cooking so she passes me Annabelle and I sit with her, playing on the floor.

“Do you plan to tell me why you’re here and not with Marcus?”

“No.”

“Okay. Did you guys have a fight?”

“No,” I answer truthfully, pressing buttons on Annabelle’s fake phone, which makes all kinds of whirring and dinging noises.

“How is it going with you two then?”

“Fine,” I answer.

“Lord, Rochelle, tell me more. You’ve been so checked-out since Tan died. No one can talk to you without you giving them short, snippy words, and no one knows what to say to you.”

“That’s fine.”

“Do you talk to him?” she asks.

I lean over and cover Annabelle’s ears before I answer her, “We fuck.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she says, then I smile and kiss Annabelle’s cheek. “You love him though, right?”

“I think so.”

“You either do or you don’t.”