Hate Sober (Love Me Duet 2)

Most of my bruises have started to heal. Some are now faint, while the bite marks are still evident but healing. I managed to wear a skirt today, which I haven’t done all week. Every day I leave for work I check my surroundings, afraid the same thing could happen to me again. It scares me to think about that fact.

The first few days after I went back home, it was hard to leave the house. My hand would get stuck on the door handle, and I couldn’t move it no matter how much I tried. That was hard. I knew I was stronger than that, and I could do it, I just had to find the courage and conviction to make myself feel safe. To feel like my old self again. With a lot of internal soul-searching, eventually I was able to turn the handle and step outside, feeling the freedom of the cool breeze brushing my hair and the soft sunlight on my skin.

I’ve managed to dodge May’s phone calls and reply only with text messages. Today, however, I’ve agreed to meet with her. I couldn’t risk meeting with her when I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. I needed to be in the right headspace, so I can talk with her. Because I know she will push for all the answers, but she’s only going to get what I can give her, and nothing more.

I spot her straight away and, thankfully, she’s by herself. I wasn’t sure if she was going to bring Ryan or not, but I’m glad she didn’t. It’s going to be hard enough to talk to May, having Ryan there would complicate things. The minute she sees me, she waves me over and envelops me in a cuddle.

“Why does it feel like it’s been so long?” she asks, pulling back and giving me a hard stare. “I came into the café last week, and they said you were having some days off. Why? You don’t have days off.”

I realize right now I don’t want to tell her. This is something I don’t want to share, even with my best friend. So, I shrug and sit.

“You back with Gunner?” she asks.

“No.”

“Okay, but do you want to be?” she questions. I raise an eyebrow at her. “He was at the café when I came in to see you. He was speaking with your manager. I assumed…” she shrugs her shoulders.

“No. He helped out while I was busy at my parents’.” The lie rolls easily off my tongue, but it’s only a half-lie because I was busy at my parents’ getting better.

“Okay. So, I have some news.” She claps her hands together. “Ryan asked me to move in with him…” She pauses then continues, “So I am.” I smile at her.

“That’s so good.” And it is. May hates where she lives, so I know she will prefer it with Ryan.

“I know it’s soon. But when you know, you just know, right?” she says in a sing-song voice. “Was it like that with Gunner?”

Ah, fuck!

Stab.

Straight in the heart.

I did know, though. I knew pretty much straight away that Gunner Reid would change my life. As it turned out, it was drastically changed. I just didn’t expect it to be life-changing the way it has been. I don’t regret Gunner coming into my life, but I regret the way we went about it. I still love him, and I’m afraid no other man will ever compare to the love I have for Gunner Reid.

“Sure,” is all I can manage to say, which, of course, isn’t enough for May.

She stares me down, waiting for me to speak. I can’t—I don’t know what to say.

“You seeing him again?” she asks, leaning in a little closer.

“No,” I tell her honestly. “I’ve seen him around, but nothing’s going on.”

She nods her head, happy with my answer. “I mean, if he’s who you want—”

“I don’t know what I want,” I interrupt before she says something I don’t want to hear.

“Are you going to your parents’ today?” she asks, changing the subject.

“Yes.”

She smiles. “Buck’s been asking about you.”

I shake my head. “I don’t think that will work. At all.”

Her smile drops. “Maybe you just need to give him a try?” She tries to persuade me with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

“No. It won’t work. I’m not ready… for anything. I’m not sure I will be for a long time.” It’s the truth. I don’t know when I will be ready to date again, or if I even want to.

She proceeds to tell me all about her relationship with Ryan. I listen because I’ve been a shit friend lately, but I’ve had so much going on that it’s hard to focus on anyone else when Gunner takes up all my headspace.

As we go to stand, she looks to the floor, shyness taking over before she asks me her next question, “How’s Alec?”