“Coming from another trailer trash girl…” she trails off with a laugh and shoos me out of the car.
It’s empty and quiet when I walk into my apartment. Stepping upstairs, I can still smell him. It still feels like he’s everywhere. His bag is still on the floor, the one I didn’t even see him bring in. Stripping myself naked, I climb in the shower. Water rushes over my face—lucky I have a waterproof bandage on my neck—and I’m confused whether it’s actually water or tears. I guarantee it’s most likely tears.
Dropping to the floor, I curl myself into a ball. Every emotion runs through me.
Should I leave him?
Or…
Do I stay, and try to make it work?
That means having him as he is, and not trying to change him. It’s only fair, considering he wouldn’t try to change me.
I somehow make it to my bed. My neck is driving me crazy with pain, but somehow I end up going to sleep after stripping off my clothes, ignoring the endless calls and the knocks on the door.
ROBERT’S STANDING OVER me when I wake. He shakes his head and flutters his eyelashes as he looks at me.
“What?” I say, sitting up.
“Sass…” he yells quickly and spins around.
I went to sleep naked, too tired at the time to get dressed in some sort of nightwear. I’m amazed I didn’t fall asleep in the shower.
“Sorry,” I mutter, standing, pulling my sheet with me.
He turns back around and follows me as I walk to my small kitchen and make myself a coffee. “You’ve been sleeping a lot lately.”
“Yeah, so?”
“That has me worried, Sass. Happy people don’t sleep their life away.”
“Well, lucky for you, I’m not a happy person. I’m a broken person.”
He scoffs at me.
“Things are in your favor lately. Your mother is finally a mother, or somewhat of a mother. Livia doesn’t hate your guts anymore. You’re safe, and you’re in love. Yet, you seem like someone killed your dog and you don’t know how to cope with that fact.”
“Maybe someone did,” I say, putting the coffee to my lips.
“Please, you don’t have a dog…. do you?” Robert asks, and he seems mightily confused. His eyebrows are drawn together, and there are deep creases in his forehead. I laugh and shake my head.
Checking the time, I have to get to work. I’ve taken too much time off lately and put too much pressure on Becca. I need to take it back. I need to take my life back. Stepping out of the kitchen and up to my room, I quickly get dressed and ready.
Robert talks about his new boy toy, and I listen like a good friend. Robert follows me down the stairs. I stop dead in my tracks, taking in the scene in front of me, making Robert run into my back. My desk is full of flowers, there are tulips everywhere. Standing at the door is Ryken. He looks unsure, which is very much unlike him. He’s the most confident person I know. I admire that quality in him. Robert coughs behind me, and I step down to let him past. He waves bye and walks out the door passing Ryken and shaking his head at him.
“I gave you last night,” Ryken says.
I look around to see if any clients are in the store. Becca’s with one, so I nod for him to follow me outside. He holds the door open for me as I step out. My hands hug myself, trying to give me courage, as we stand just a few feet apart.
“I know, thank you.”
He looks at me again, his eyes are always on me. “Are we back to where we started, Barbie?”
Maybe we are, maybe we aren’t. I still get those feelings with him that I got when I first met him. Ryken’s it for me. He’s the only man who can make my heart beat fast and my hands sweat. He’s the only man to give me butterflies.
“What happened to him?” I ask.
“Do you really want to know?”
I nod my head. Then shake it no. Then stop.
“I want to know if this is going to happen to me again.”
“You’re a beautiful girl, people are always going to want you or want to be you. I can’t guarantee that they won’t hurt you.”
“But for now, I’m safe?”
His eyes close briefly, and a small smile lets me know it’s safe. Then he steps forward, I step back, and he looks hurt by my action. “You don’t feel safe with me?”
“Should I?”
He looks almost wounded by my words and looks up at me. “Always. Fucking always. I’ll kill anyone that hurts you, even if that person is my best friend. That’s how much I fucking love you, Saskia. You are it, and if I’m not it for you, too fucking bad because you’re it for me. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you because I see the way you look at me. Even when you’re scared. You still want me to touch you even if you think you don’t.” His hand touches my skin ever so slightly on my arm, and that’s all it takes. I melt for him just as he said I would. He knows me better than I know myself. He makes me overdose on his touch on a regular basis.