The Lord's Inconvenient Vow

‘He does not?’

‘No. When you choose to lie, try not to lie about matters of no consequence, they tend to undermine your credibility regarding more serious matters.’

Sam pressed her lips together. Sometimes Edge’s pedantry was useful. Mr Pettifer’s doe-like brown eyes darted about the room.

‘It was whisky, then.’

‘Thank you. Was it only the two of you?’

Edge sighed and raised his hand as Pettifer’s lips parted. ‘You are about to lie. Please do not. There was another person there as well.’

Pettifer cleared his throat.

‘Yes, there was a, ah, young man with him.’

‘Good. Now, what did you discuss? The truth, please. I do not wish to cause trouble, but I will be delighted to recommend excise officers have a closer look at the next shipments you receive.’

Mr Pettifer’s brows and hands danced up and down.

‘No need, no need for that. Not that there is anything at all of interest to the excise officers, I assure you, nothing at all. But still, the bother, you see. So tedious. There is nothing much to tell you, after all. Mr Grey—’

‘Mr Grey?’

‘That was the name he gave. As I said, he and the, ah, young man wanted news of Mr Osbourne, the fellow who arranged the shipment of my marvellous mummies. Unfortunately, the last I had heard of him was the note accompanying the mummies assuring me he was in the process of procuring a treasure that would secure his fortune. I’m afraid I did not set much store by his promise as Mr Osbourne was not always reliable. Why, once I did not hear from him for two whole years and then up he pops with the most fascinating specimen of a primordial dragon you could have hoped for. It is still one of my most popular displays. That is, until the mummies began arriving. I am unwrapping one in half an hour. Did you see the crowd gathering? At three shillings per person...and then there are the restoratives on sale for those who faint...’ His gaze sailed away into far pleasanter scenery of shillings and pounds and he sighed happily. ‘Do stay and watch. I am hoping at least for some scarab amulets wrapped into the linen. The ladies are particularly fond of them.’

Sam touched Edge’s sleeve at the audible creak as he ground his teeth and he breathed in and out very slowly.

‘Did he say how to contact him should you hear news of Mr Osbourne?’

‘He did, sir. In such an eventuality, I am to place an advertisement in The Times requesting Mr G. contact Mr P. and then watch the advertisements the following day for instructions. A very straightforward man, Mr Grey.’

‘And do you intend to comply with his request?’

‘Ah, were that it was merely a request. It was rather more in the nature of a royal decree. He is a big man, your Mr Grey. I would see he has an inch or so on you and you are a most formidable fellow yourself, sir. I am a peaceable man and prefer not to antagonise giants. Naturally should Mr Osbourne appear I will insert said advertisement.’

Edge nodded and took a strip of paper from the desk, scrawling a direction on it.

‘Should you hear of anything—Osbourne, Mr Grey...anything—send word to this solicitor’s office. And should you breathe a word of this to anyone I will tear this vulgar little circus down about your ears. Understood?’

Pettifer’s eyes widened, an appreciative look brightening his gaze, as if the dramatic image of Edge singlehandedly toppling his kingdom, rather like an enraged Samson, appealed to him.

‘My understanding is excellent, I assure you, sir.’

‘Good, we’re done here. For now.’

He strode towards the door, but Sam turned to Pettifer.

‘Why did you keep emphasising the words “young man”?’

Mr Pettifer smiled. ‘I see you are a lady of insight. You might think me a fraud, but I am merely a man who knows how to provide a good show and I know when I am watching one. That was no young man—she might have some experience acting as one, but she is past the age where she can do so credibly. And the resemblance, though not marked, is there. Unless I am very much mistaken your...ah... Mr Grey was in the company of Osbourne’s daughter. Now I must rush or the masses will become restive and that is not good for the accounts. Do stay. I shall even waive your cost of admission.’

With that Parthian shot he hurried off. Edge’s glare following him as he took Sam’s arm.

‘Little weasel. Come, let’s go.’

‘Not yet. I wish to see the unwrapping.’

‘Good God, you cannot be serious!’

‘I am most serious. I am curious about this man and I want to see him at his trade, as he put it. At the moment he is the only link to your brother and his peculiar activities. The most sensible thing is to examine him as minutely as if he were one of Poppy’s antiquarian finds or one of Huxley’s embalmed monstrosities.’