Baby Twins to Bind Them

‘Sure.’

‘If she has any visitors...’

‘I’ll say that the doctor’s in with her.’

‘Thanks.’

He walked back behind the curtains. Macey had stopped crying and she gave Steele a watery smile.

‘Sorry about that,’ she said.

‘Why should you be sorry?’ Steele asked, handing her the glass of sherry. ‘I’m glad that you told me. Would you like to talk about it?’ he offered.

‘I don’t know how to,’ Macey admitted. ‘It’s been a secret for so long.’

‘Not any more,’ Steele said. ‘It might help to talk about it.’

‘I got pregnant when I was twenty-seven,’ Macey said. ‘He was married. I was never much of a looker and I suppose I was flattered. Anyway, my parents would have been horrified. They would have said that I was old enough to know better. We’re never old enough to know better when it comes to matters of the heart, though. Instead of telling them, I confided in one of the matrons here. I thought she’d be shocked but she was more than used to it and took care of things. I was sent down to Bournemouth to have him. Everyone thought that I had polio and that was the reason I was away so long. Instead, I had my son and he was handed over for adoption.’

‘I’m sorry, Macey,’ Steele said. ‘That must have been so painful.’

‘It still is.’ She nodded. ‘I was very sick when he was delivered. I did everything I could not to push because I knew that as soon as he was born he would be taken away. I passed out when he was delivered and I never got to hold him and I never even got to see him. When I came around the next day I asked if I could have just one cuddle but I was told it was better that way. It wasn’t.’

‘Have you ever tried to look him up or make contact?’

‘Never,’ she said. ‘I’ve thought about it many times but I didn’t want to mess up his life if he didn’t know he was adopted. I was told that he had gone to a very good family and that I was to get on with my life. I came back to work and threw myself into my career, but I’ve thought about him every single day since.’

‘And his father?’

‘I had nothing to do with him after that,’ Macey said. ‘We worked alongside each other for a few years afterwards. I think at first he thought he could carry on with me as before but I soon put him right. I told him to concentrate on his marriage. I’m very ashamed that I had an affair with a married man.’

‘Try not to be ashamed,’ Steele suggested. ‘Perhaps it would be better to view that time with remorse but do your best to leave the shame out of it.

‘I know you must have felt very alone at the time but I can tell you from all my years doing this job that what happened to you happened to a lot of women from your generation.’

‘He was married, though.’

‘You weren’t the first and you certainly won’t be the last person to have an affair with a married man. My guess is you’ve more than paid the price.’

‘I have.’

‘Forgive yourself, then,’ Steele said. ‘Have you thought about discussing what happened with your nieces?’

‘Sometimes,’ Macey said. ‘I wake up some nights, imagining them finding out what happened after I’m gone and not being able to speak about it with me.’

‘Maybe consider speaking with them again,’ Steele suggested. ‘And if you want help telling them, or if you want me to do it for you, let me know.’ He watched as Macey frowned, though it wasn’t a dismissive frown. He could see that she was thinking about it. ‘And if you never want to discuss it again, then that’s fine too.’

‘I might think again about telling them...’ she said. ‘There’s just so much guilt. Sometimes when I’m enjoying myself I feel that I don’t deserve to.’

‘Let the guilt go, Macey,’ Steele said. ‘You are allowed to be happy.’

Candy sat at the nurses’ station, staring at Macey’s curtains, but, though usually she’d be curious, right now she wasn’t wondering what was going on behind closed curtains.