“Carmella, I think,” Ashton says. “Unusual, isn’t it? Like in The Sopranos, although I don’t think she’s Italian.”
“How long have they been married?” My hand is shaking, and I cover it by having a swig of beer.
“Not sure, four, five years? They’ve got a couple of kids, and the oldest is about four, I think. How do you know her?”
“Oh, we were friends a long time ago.” I want to leave, but I can’t without it looking weird. I force myself to eat my sandwich. I didn’t see her in the bar when we went in to order, so she’s probably out. “Anyway,” I say to change the subject, “I wonder how Poppy’s getting on at the petting farm?”
“Yeah, I’m looking forward to having a chat to her this afternoon,” Ashton replies. “She obviously knows her stuff. She’s pretty gorgeous, too. I was thinking about asking her out for a drink tonight.”
For the second time in as many minutes, my heart skips a beat. I feel a stab of jealousy at the thought of him taking her out, and have to stop myself giving him a right hook.
Ashton looks at me, sees my glare, and looks startled. “Oh, shit. Are you and she… you know…?”
“Not officially but, yeah, kinda.”
“Crap. I’m so sorry.”
I push my jealousy away. How was he supposed to know? “It’s not your fault. We’re flying under the radar, so to speak. Nobody knows.”
“Well, you’re a lucky man.” He clears his throat. “Did you see the All Blacks game last Saturday?”
Relieved he’s changed the subject, I nod, and we start talking about the lineup, and what it means for the upcoming game against the Aussies next month.
I scold myself, though, for acting like a caveman. Poppy isn’t mine, and I don’t have the right to act as if I own her.
And yet… we are sleeping together. I’m trying to get her pregnant. Doesn’t that give me any rights?
Maybe, maybe not.
“Just gonna visit the Gents’,” Ashton says, and he disappears inside. I push the rest of the sandwich away, and finish off my beer. I want to get back to the Ark. I feel uncomfortable here, out of place, out of time. I miss the bay, the comfort of our own Ark, the Kings and the others I work with, and Jack, who’s always at my side. And I wish Poppy was here with me.
“Fitz?”
I freeze, then turn slowly at the woman’s voice. Mel’s standing in the doorway to the bar, shading her eyes with her hand. Her other hand rests on her very pregnant bump. She’s two years older than me, so she must be thirty-four now. Despite the bump, she’s lost quite a lot of weight, and her face is gaunt. She’s also cut her hair; the long blonde locks are gone, replaced with a short bob. I don’t like her new look. It makes her look beautiful but hard.
“Hey, Mel.” I stand reluctantly as she approaches and slide my hands into the pockets of my jeans.
“What are you doing here?” She doesn’t look upset or angry, just curious.
“I’m visiting the animal sanctuary up the road.”
“The Ark? Oh, are you involved in that?”
“I help run its sister Ark in the Bay of Islands.”
“So that’s where you ended up,” she says softly. “You vanished off the face of the Earth.”
I don’t reply. It’s hard, seeing her again. I’d wondered whether this would ever happen, and how I’d react. I thought I might get angry or upset, but I just feel numb.
“How long are you here for?” she asks.
“Not long.”
“What’s life like in the bay?”
“Great.”
“Effusive as ever,” she says, a touch of sarcasm in her voice.
I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t want to talk to her. It twists me up inside. I used to love this woman. I thought we had a future together. But she turned her back on me when I needed her most, and she walked away.
I don’t want to congratulate her on her marriage and her kids. On being pregnant. On having a wonderful life without me. Fuck her. She hurt me, and I’m not over it. I thought I was, but maybe the wound she gave me will never heal the way my back has. It’s buried deep within me like shrapnel, slicing through me whenever I think it’s gone.