Psychologically she understood. Faced with the threat of sudden death, the human response was to cling to life. Not just for oneself—for the next generation, as well. But that didn’t explain her desire for Cody’s child. Not entirely. She wanted to be the one to give him the immortality only his child could give him. She wanted it for herself, too.
That’s not just old-school. It’s archaic, she told herself sternly. But she couldn’t deny it. She wanted Cody’s child with an intensity that shocked her. And she wanted that part of him to love and cherish, if...
“No,” she whispered, her face hardening, and this time her right fist clenched with purpose. Then her hand slid inside her jacket to touch the comforting stock of her gun in its leather holster. Nothing was going to happen to Cody. She wouldn’t let anything happen to him. No matter what she had to do.
* * *
Early the next morning Keira drove Cody to his apartment so he could shave, shower and change after sleeping fully clothed on her sofa the night before. Sabbatino and Moran followed close behind them. Sabbatino went upstairs with Cody, while Moran waited with Keira.
She was grateful Moran didn’t say anything, just leaned against the outside of her car, his eyes on the alert, his head constantly pivoting. She wondered whether he and Sabbatino were thinking...well, thinking the truth. She’d tried not to show anything of her feelings for Cody in front of them, either last night or this morning. But still...if she were in their shoes...she knew it wouldn’t take much imagination to figure out what Cody had been doing at her condo.
She’d told Cody the truth last night when she’d said she wasn’t ashamed of loving him. She wasn’t. And she didn’t think she was ashamed of being a woman. That wasn’t it. But he still didn’t understand. She wished she could explain to him she’d fought all her life for respect—first from her father and her four brothers, then from her fellow Marines in the Corps, and now in the agency. That’s all she wanted. Respect.
She smiled ruefully as she heard Aretha Franklin singing in her head. The smile faded. Aretha had first sung that song in 1967, long before Keira was born, and things hadn’t changed all that much in the years since, not in Keira’s line of work. But could she make Cody understand?
Keira had finally earned her father’s grudging respect after she’d joined the Corps, but she hadn’t had much time to bask in it because he’d died during her first tour of duty overseas. She remembered flying back for the funeral, standing by his coffin with her weeping mother, holding back her own tears because she knew her father would have condemned her tears as a weakness. He would have lost respect for her if she’d cried, so she hadn’t. Not at the funeral. Not even in the privacy of her old bedroom at home.
And then there were her brothers. She loved them and they loved her, but she had always been their baby sister. She’d always been so much smaller than they were, and not just because they were all older. She’d gained their respect, too, when she’d followed them into the Corps. Her job with the agency was also a badge of respect in their eyes. Even though her brothers had jobs that took them all over the world and she seldom saw them, they were still family, and their opinion of her still mattered.
Respect from the important men in her life—was it wrong to want it? Need it?
Her partner respected her, she knew that. He hadn’t at first, not until she’d proven herself to him by taking down a cold-blooded killer who’d had Trace in his sights. Now Trace trusted her as well as respected her. Would he feel the same if he knew she’d become involved with a fellow agent? Or would he see her as weak?
And what did D’Arcy think of her now? She’d hated being forced to confess the story of her kidnapping and subsequent rescue by Cody to him, although she’d felt she had no choice at the time. But now that D’Arcy also knew—well, she wasn’t quite sure exactly what he knew, but she could hazard a guess—would he still say she was an excellent agent? Would he still say those words she’d treasured, that he didn’t want to lose her? Or would he lose all respect for her as an agent now?