She couldn’t control her dreams, but she could control her waking thoughts. And while she acknowledged he had never seduced her—he didn’t have to; you threw yourself into his arms, into his bed, she reminded herself, the memory a humiliating scourge in her mind—she could never forget he didn’t even have the common decency to tell her himself that the one night she’d begged him for was all they would ever have.
Juliana wrapped her arms around herself as a cold hollow feeling settled in the pit of her stomach, remembering how she had wept through the night after his Zakharian agents had left—her heart breaking, her dreams shattered. Remembering how she’d asked herself again and again how the gentle prince she’d known for years, the tender lover who’d made her weep with ecstasy, could be the same man who had sent her money as a parting gift as if she had been a whore—used and discarded without a second thought.
No. Even if he could explain why he’d sent agents instead of telling her himself, she could never forgive him for the money and the degrading, soul-destroying words that had accompanied it. Never.
Chapter 6
“Cut!” the director ordered.
“Save the lights,” someone called out, and the hot lights were mercifully shut off. Juliana took a deep breath and expelled it slowly, evenly, letting the tension out at the same time. She wanted to wipe her forehead, but she knew better. The makeup team moved in quickly. One woman patted gently at Juliana’s face, blotting the perspiration beading beneath her fluffy bangs. Somebody else handed Juliana a cold bottle of water, and she gave him a grateful smile before she drank thirstily. Work on her went on even as she drank—makeup touched up, hair brushed and the dresser assigned to her fussed over a streak of dust that had somehow mysteriously appeared on the back of her midnight blue velvet skirt. A few feet away Dirk was being given the same treatment.
The director came over to talk to Juliana and Dirk. “That was good, really good, but not quite what I was hoping for. Let’s try one more take, okay?”
“Sure,” Dirk said.
“And this time, Dirk, see if you can add a little more...euphoria?...when you hear the news Eleonora gives you. I mean, this is the first child whose paternity won’t be questioned. The first child after Eleonora was ransomed. Not to mention neither of you were sure Eleonora could even have more children after everything that happened to her.”
Dirk was quiet for a moment, and Juliana gave him an anxious look. Then he smiled. “Sure thing.”
After the director walked away, Juliana waited until everyone else had walked off the set, too, then said softly, “You okay?”
Dirk’s smile faded, and the eyes he turned on Juliana were bleak. “It would be easier to express euphoria over Eleonora’s pregnancy if I wasn’t praying Bree would...”
“I know.” She put her hand on Dirk’s arm, wishing she knew what to say to him. “It would be easier for you to understand if you were a woman,” she told him, her heart aching. “When a woman loves a man, really loves him, she wants to give him the immortality only his child can give him. No price is too high to pay, not even her own life.” She breathed deeply, searching for something more she could share to make him see things from Sabrina’s point of view.
“But that’s not all,” she said eventually. “To feel another life growing inside you, knowing it was created from the love the two of you share...this is what Bree is experiencing. I know it. Not that she doesn’t want to live,” she added, blinking hard against the emotions welling up in her, not wanting to ruin her makeup, “but we all die at some point. And giving you this gift means that no matter what, your love will live forever.”
Dirk stared down at her, an arrested expression on his face. “I didn’t think of it that way. I just... Thanks.” He lifted her hand and kissed it. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s get this scene in the can so I can go find Bree and tell her I understand...finally.”
Juliana and Dirk took their places on the set. When she turned her head she was startled to see Andre standing in the shadows, watching, his face hard and cold, one of the bodyguards who followed him everywhere right behind him. How long has Andre been there? she wondered. And why is he upset?
She thought about what she’d just told Dirk. The words had somehow poured out of her, and she realized she hadn’t just been talking about Sabrina. She’d been talking about herself, too, about the way she’d felt toward Andre...once upon a time. At the time she’d prayed she was pregnant, wanting his child with an intensity she hadn’t really understood until she found out it wasn’t going to happen. But then she’d told herself it was probably for the best, that there would be other chances for them.