“King’s Ransom,” she whispered under her breath. “You loved me...like he loved Eleonora.”
He nodded slowly. “At first I remained faithful because I thought you were faithful to me.” He hesitated. “I must tell you. I knew you were dating in college. My agent reported he had seen you—more than once—in the company of other men.”
Juliana’s gaze fell before his, remembering. Then she looked up at Andre again, determined to be honest with him. “I was so hurt...and yes, angry...at what I thought was your rejection that I did accept dates with other men. That’s true. I won’t lie to you. I told myself you weren’t the only man in the world—that if you didn’t want me, other men did. But none of them was you, and I...”
A self-deprecating smile touched his lips. “I had wanted you to spread your wings, little one, just not that way. I had not expected it of you. I will not lie either—I was jealous. And hurt. But I was still arrogant enough to believe you loved me in your heart of hearts.”
“Andre—”
“No, let me finish, little one. I did not call again because by that time I knew if I heard your voice I would not be able to wait—your voice was a fire in my blood, and if I heard it I would have to have you with me. It was that simple. Yet how could I have you with me in a battle zone? In Afghanistan? I could not put you in danger that way. It was easier not to risk hearing your voice.
“I did not write again because the only words that occurred to me were demands for you to admit you loved me and pleas for you to return to Zakhar immediately and marry me, both things I swore to myself I would not do. Not until you had finished college. Not until you were a woman grown. And of course, I was not even in Zakhar at that time. Returning before my tour of duty was up would have been a shameful thing. I could not do that...unless you were carrying our child. And by that time I knew you were not.
“Then, too, I had not heard from you except for that one cold sentence.” His lips tightened. “My father’s agents must have blocked my outgoing calls, intercepted my emails to you and every one of your attempts to contact me, so I did not know...”
She touched his arm in empathy for the pain his father’s machinations and his own self-denial had brought him. “A soldier’s lot is a lonely one,” he continued. “His personal life is on hold. Often the only thing sustaining him is his belief in the importance of his mission. And that his loved ones will be there when he returns. Each day that passed without you was harder than the one before. Even though my days in Afghanistan demanded my full attention, the thought of you kept me going. But the nights...” He paused and his jaw tightened.
“And yet I told myself I could survive because I would see you once school was over for the year,” he continued finally, “that of course you would spend the summer in Zakhar, and you would be there waiting for me when I returned from my tour of duty. I would have the chance to woo you in person as I should have done from the first. I would have you to myself for a few precious weeks, and you would know you were mine before I was forced to let you go again. But the end of the school year came and went, and you did not return. Not to Zakhar, not to me. Instead you went to Hollywood...and took a lover.”
His nostrils flared as he breathed deeply. “My first reaction was betrayal...and blinding rage.” The expression in his eyes frightened her for a moment. “I almost went after you then. After him. I could have killed him, and I told myself I could have taken you, forced you— No, Juliana.” He held her firmly, refusing to let her look away. “I must tell you and then we will never speak of it again. I told myself I could force you to take me, whether you wanted me or not. You belonged to me, and you had dared to give another man what was mine alone.”
Andre stared down at Juliana for endless seconds, until his frightening expression faded into something else. “But then I knew I could not. I could not take you in anger. I could never take you except in love—but you did not love me! My arrogance was humbled, and I knew somehow I did not deserve your love.”
“I didn’t,” she began, wanting to deny that she’d taken a lover, but she knew she had no proof. Nothing to convince him. “What would have been the point of returning to Zakhar?” she said in a small voice. “I thought you didn’t want me anymore. I thought you had forgotten me.”
He smiled that faint smile. “That I could never do. But even though you did not return, even though you were not faithful to me, I remained faithful to you. I cannot really explain why. I did not start out saying, ‘There will never be another woman for me,’ especially after I learned what you had done. But you were there whenever I looked at another woman, and I could not...”