King's Ransom (Man on a Mission 2)

He drew another deep breath and expelled it harshly. “Time did not stand still—I had a job to do, which I did. I could not forget you, but I could focus on the task I had set myself to accomplish—bringing the best of the twenty-first century to Zakhar and its people. And I could change myself into a man worthy of your love.”

“You were always worthy of my love,” she told him, fighting back tears. “And I never forgot you, either. I just didn’t know you loved me...” She trailed off, wishing she could tell him the truth as she’d tried to tell him once before...and have him believe her.

“The years passed,” he continued when she stopped. “My father pressured me to marry into one of the royal houses of Europe—to father sons to inherit the throne after me. He was obsessed with it.” He laughed bitterly. “He must have regretted then that he had driven you away, but he never said anything, and I did not know. I only knew I could never marry another, could never father children with a woman I did not love—a woman who was not you. Not even for Zakhar.”

“Why didn’t you...” she began, and when he looked a question at her she tried to put into words what she needed to know, needed to understand. “Why didn’t you come to me years ago? Why did you wait so long?”

“I did not know you loved me. How could I? Your name was linked with one man after another.” His face was carved in stone, as if he could hide his pain behind a marble wall. “I watched your career from afar, waiting for you to realize the difference between what those other men offered you and what I did. Dreaming of a day when you would return to me because you could not stay away. Then my father died and I ascended the throne.”

A muscle twitched in his cheek. “There were other things I had to deal with then. Mara was one of them. That is another thing my father has to answer for. Someday I will tell you about her, but not today.” His eyes burned into hers. “And still I waited. Paying the price for that night. Wondering if I would ever pay enough.”

“You weren’t the only one who paid for that night,” she whispered. His brows drew together in a questioning frown. “You ruined me for other men.”

A shaft of pain slashed across his face, and Juliana realized he’d misunderstood. “No, not that way. But every man I met I subconsciously measured against you. Every man who touched me, who kissed me...I remembered your touch, your kiss.” Her voice dropped to a whisper as she confessed, “I remembered the feel of you deep inside me.” She shivered, her body responding to then and now. “I could never find a man who erased that memory, who made me want to forget you. And so I could never let them touch me...that way.”

He took a step closer. “What are you saying, Juliana? Are you telling me...?”

She knew he wouldn’t ask. Didn’t feel he had the right to ask. He loved her even believing she had not led a chaste life as he had. And in some elemental way that was as it should be. But she didn’t want those lies about her to hurt him the way they’d hurt him for years. She had to try one more time. If he didn’t believe her, at least she would have told him the truth.

“Yes,” she said. “You’re not the only one the press lies about. The first time one of those magazines claimed I had taken a lover, I protested. I even went to my lawyer, thinking to demand a retraction, and if I didn’t get one I would sue. I wanted to proclaim my innocence to the entire world, most especially to you. Even though I believed you didn’t want me anymore, your opinion of me still mattered. But my lawyer made me see I could never prove it in court. The man...” She swallowed. “I had dated him. I just refused to sleep with him. His pride couldn’t bear being rejected. So he lied. He was the ‘unnamed source’ of the story. A trial would have come down to my word against his, with no guarantee anyone would believe me. And I was terrified that somehow you would be dragged into it...

“After that I knew there was no going back. I could never prove my innocence to anyone, much less you, so what did it matter?” She caught her breath on a sob, but forced it down. “I just closed my eyes and ears to the lies and continued acting. Only with acting could I escape the pain of losing you. Only when I was pretending to be someone else could I forget you.”

She swallowed again. “At least my family and close friends knew the truth. No one who really knew me believed the lies, and no one who believed the lies really knew me.” She looked away, remembering. “Then I returned to Zakhar to film King’s Ransom and met you again.”