After parting ways with Valerie, Sarah headed to the beach where she met Sofia for a run. They ran for a few miles then stopped at the end of one of the piers and drank some water, leaning over the side and catching their breath. She looked up and caught Sofie lost in thought, staring out into the distance.
Sarah glanced in the direction Sofia was looking and saw a giant naval ship. Earlier that summer, Sofia and Eric had broken up briefly after Sofia had allowed a former neighbor to kiss her—a handsome U.S. Marine who’d come home on leave. Even though she and Eric had gotten past it and worked things out since then, Sarah knew Sofia was still dealing with the overwhelming feelings of guilt. Sofia had confessed to Sarah, feeling confused at the time it happened because she’d never dreamed of hurting Eric yet she’d given into the temptation anyway. Sarah wondered if Sofia might be thinking about it now.
“Everything okay with you and Eric?” Sarah asked, taking another swig of her water.
Sofia snapped out of her stupor and glanced at Sarah with a nod. “Yeah,” she said, but it wasn’t very convincing. “We’re fine. It’s just that . . .” She took a deep breath and looked away.
“Just that what?” Sarah asked.
Sarah knew she was probably the only one with whom Sofia had shared the intimate details of what really happened with that kiss. She was pretty sure Sofia didn’t have anyone else to talk to about this.
“I just can’t shake the guilt,” Sofia said, breathing in deeply with a frown. “I keep asking myself why I did it. Why did I let him kiss me when I love Eric so much? Why would I chance hurting and possibly losing Eric like that? The only thing I can think of is I didn’t even realize it but I guess my body . . . my heart was curious or even excited about something different even if it was only one time.” She turned to Sarah with a solemn expression. “I’d never say anything to Angel. I promise. This would be completely between you and me, but have you ever felt like that? You and Angel have been together for years now, and he’s pretty much been your first love—first everything, right?”
Nodding, Sarah confirmed that Angel was her first everything. As far as she was concerned, the few kisses, or even few times she’d made out with anyone before him, were insignificant compared to what she had with Angel. She’d certainly never felt the kind of emotion only Angel was capable of making her feel.
“So you’ve never had another experience with other guys?”
“No, I have but nothing remotely close to what I’ve experienced with Angel.”
“Okay,” Sofia said. “I’m not trying to make myself feel better here or anything. I’m just trying to understand how I let it happen. Do you think you’d ever give into a moment of passion with anyone else? Even out of curiosity?” Sofia lifted her brows in an almost hopeful way. “Especially if the guy was extremely attractive and it was just a harmless kiss?”
Sarah gave her a knowing look. “First of all, you and I both know, no matter what the circumstances, my giving into another guy’s kiss would never be considered harmless to your brother.” She smiled to try and ease Sofie’s obvious guilt. “Things are different with Angel and me, Sof. You and Eric were pretty much in love from the time you were kids. Your heart never even got the chance to consider the possibility that someone else might excite you. Not only was it different for me and Angel but I screwed up from the very beginning and we started off on a sour note. I already know what it’s like to hurt him even if I never intended to. I saw the hurt and pain I put him through, and like you, Sof, I will never do that to him again. We’re human. We’re gonna make mistakes. My mom always says, ‘A life without mistakes is a life without experience.’ Without these experiences, Sof, maybe your curiosity would’ve manifested into something even bigger—something that would’ve been far more destructive to your relationship. Be glad it was just a harmless kiss that gave you a taste of what it would be like to lose him. Stop beating yourself up. As long as you learned from it and Eric’s forgiven you, let it go.”
Smiling, she patted Sofie on the shoulder. Sarah knew first hand all about the guilt. Even though she’d never meant to hurt Angel the way she had years ago, she still felt terrible. For a long time she was haunted by the pain in his eyes from that horrible night the truth about Sydney had come out in the worst way imaginable. Like Sofia, she too knew all too well the pain of nearly losing the guy she loved. It had only been for a few weeks, but they were a few of the hardest weeks she’d endured in her life.
By the time they were done talking, Sofia said she felt better. They finished their run, and Sarah headed home. Her phone rang just as she pulled into the parking space at her condo. She answered it with a smile. “Hey, Syd.”
“I was just thinking about you,” he said, crunching on something.
“Really, why?”
“I was flipping the channels and saw some of the highlights and hype about tomorrow’s college games. They mentioned the San Diego-Hawaii game. It made me think of those photos of Dana and Angel.” He was quiet for a moment. “I know you said it didn’t bother you, but c’mon, Sarah, this is me you’re talking to. You wouldn’t have even mentioned them if they didn’t. So I just wanted to see how you’re holding up. He’s gone, right?”
“Yeah, he left this morning,” Sarah said, walking up to her front door.