“I’m not talking about the water.”
He looked up. Jackson didn’t blink or say another word. He didn’t have to.
AJ nodded.
Chapter Thirty-Six
The droning whistle of the furnace ceased on the chilly November evening, leaving Jillian in silence. By the time Jackson texted her the all clear to go back to AJ’s, he was already asleep again. She thanked her brother for cleaning up after AJ and staying with him while he showered. Then she thanked him for his patience, in spite of AJ’s earlier outburst. Jackson kissed her on the head and left without saying much of anything. Perhaps there was nothing to say.
AJ needed her.
She would help him get better.
Luke belonged to Jessica.
He was her past and she died.
Everyone needed a mantra and that became hers. The bed creaked as she crawled in next to AJ and took his hand in hers. The need to feel the warmth of his body, the beat of his heart, the whisper of his breath … it felt as vital as the air in her lungs, the blood in her veins. Seeing Luke, or what felt like a ghost of a life that no longer existed, only intensified her need to be in the arms of the man who gave her a second chance. AJ accepted the woman and the monster without explanation. Who does that?
“I love you, Aric James. You’ll never know how much I needed you to come into my life when you did. You’ve given my existence a life again. This feeling in my chest feels like …” she placed her other hand over her chest “…like a fucking heartbeat. I don’t even know how that’s possible, but it’s there…” she rolled to the side and pressed her lips to his shoulder. “…and I need it.”
He didn’t move. Not a twitch. Nothing more than a slow breath and weak heartbeat. The lump in Jillian’s throat thickened.
“I need you,” she whispered as the first tear fell. “Until you asked me to come to Portland, I’d gone to all of Cage’s games. I didn’t tell you before now because I knew how much pain you’d feel just from the mention of his name. He’s so damn talented and strong, but he needs his father. You need to be there to cheer him on, not just on the field but in life. Children need their parents … even when they die, that need doesn’t ever go away.”
She closed her eyes and prayed. For years she questioned God’s existence, most people in hell probably did. But maybe God saw how she’d loved another selflessly and would grant her one wish … one answered prayer.
“Let me keep him … even if I burn in hell later, just for now … let me keep him.”
*
God had decided to at least give her request some thought, because Jillian awoke from the floor to the sound of AJ coughing. It wasn’t a miracle healing, but ten hours after her request, he was still breathing. Or at least trying to breathe.
“Here.” She knelt beside the bed holding a glass of water as he struggled to sit up a little bit.
He took a small sip and tried to clear his throat. “Tha-th-tha—” Closing his eyes, he shook his head and clenched his teeth.
“You’re welcome.” Jillian kissed his lips, resting her hands on his face. “I know this is hard for you right now, but it’s going to get better.” She nodded her head, waiting for him to open his eyes.
When he did, he shook his head. “N-no.”
She resented the pleading look in his eyes. He covered her hands with his, pulling them to his chest as he tried to squeeze them.
“Mm-my r-re-real.”
Pulling away, she stood and walked to the other side of the room, keeping her back to him. “Stop saying that. I don’t want to be your fucking real. I want to be your goddamn future! Do you kn—” Her voice cracked from the pain in her chest “Do you know what I’ve endured to get to this point in my life?” She shook her head, brushing her fingers over her cheeks. “I died to be with you, and I know you don’t understand that, but it’s true. I gave up my last fucking breath to be here.”
Jillian turned. And that new heart? It broke.
AJ looked at her through red eyes … tears trailing down his face.
“Let me take you back to Portland. Please. I’ll stay with you. I’ll go to every appointment and hold your hand … or prance around the room naked, or read you the boring newspaper. Just … let me take you back and let me fight this with you.”
AJ looked down at the floor for a few seconds that felt like an eternity as she waited for his answer. When he looked up … he nodded.