Liam and Lara came for two days and stayed at a hotel a block from the hospital. Jessica suspected Felicity made the suggestion because shortly after they arrived, his parents insisted she and Luke take a couple days for themselves.
They drove home in silence. It had become the norm. There wasn’t much to say about the unimaginable.
“I’m going to shower,” Luke said as soon as they walked through the doorway to the bedroom. His voice was filled with defeat. He paused in front of the closet where her wedding dress hung from the door. A few moments later his shoulders and head sagged as he continued to the bathroom.
She wanted to follow him.
She wanted to touch him.
She wanted to make the past week disappear, even if just for one night. But the tragic situation left her just as confused and paralyzed as everyone else—just going through the motions of life. The problem was, at the moment, she didn’t know what those motions were.
The dress. She had to get rid of the dress. Grabbing it, she took it into the spare bedroom and shoved it in the closet. When she returned, Luke was out of the shower, towel around his waist, bent over the sink brushing his teeth.
Jessica walked into the closet and slid out of her jeans then pulled off her shirt. As she reached behind to unfasten her bra, his hands met hers. She stilled, feeling the heat of his body behind her. Luke pinched the straps, unhooking her bra. His lips brushed her shoulder. Her eyes leadened from his touch. She relaxed her arms, letting her bra fall to the floor.
“Beautiful,” he whispered over her skin as his hands slid along her waist, up her ribs, stopping on her breasts.
Her breath quickened, desperate for more of his touch. It was gentle, too gentle. Covering his hands with hers, she squeezed until he followed her lead.
“Yes,” she moaned, arching her back into his touch. “Harder.” He squeezed and tugged her breasts harder. “Oh. God. Yes.” His right hand slid down her stomach, making her ragged breaths come quicker. The numbness of the previous week vanished under his touch. A pulsing pain—need—converged between her legs.
“Tell me you want me.”
Her eyes rolled back in her head as his hand slid under her panties. The pad of his finger brushed over her clitoris.
“I want you.”
“Tell me you need me.” He slid his finger a little further, teasing her slick entrance.
“I need you … so bad.”
Biting her shoulder, he slid his finger all the way in as she moaned.
A breath later his hand disappeared, leaving her feeling wobbly and drunk with need. She turned toward him and took his hand, guiding it to his mouth. He sucked her arousal from his finger then she pulled it from his mouth and wrapped her lips around it. His blue eyes faded to black as she sucked his finger.
With a simple tug, she pulled the towel from his waist. Pressing her palms to his bare chest, she walked forward as he retreated a step at a time until the back of his legs hit the bed. The moment she wrapped her hand around his erection, he kissed her. It wasn’t soft or patient. It was angry and laced with pain. He pulled her onto the bed and rolled on top of her. His mouth assaulted hers, and she welcomed the raw need.
The only thing she wanted her broken, shell of a man to do was control her because he needed it. She saw it in his eyes. Lake’s accident robbed everyone of their sense of control. In the midst of their fucked-up world, she could give him this even if it would be gone in the morning.
Luke pinned her wrists above her head with one hand and shoved her right knee toward her chest as he sank into her. Then he fucked her, fucked the world, fucked the unfairness of life. Amid all the anger, the physical need, and blinding emotions, he made love to her. It’s the only way he knew how to be with her—complete, unconditional, earth-shattering love. When it was over, he collapsed onto her, buried his face into her neck … and he cried.
Control never lasted. Eventually the illusion of time, the pull of gravity, and catastrophic events reminded everyone of their mortality and their utter insignificance in the great big world. Life was nothing more than one long blink. Here today. Gone tomorrow.
*
“I can’t do this.”
Jessica opened her eyes, unable to remember when he stopped crying. Her mind shut out the rest of the world and her body became a safe harbor for Luke to let go of everything.
“What can’t you do?”
He rolled to his side, taking her with him. At some point his touch became an extension of her own flesh.