“Where am I taking you?” Jackson asked.
“The airport.”
“Portland?”
“Yes.”
“Will you be home for Christmas?”
She shrugged. “Where’s home?”
“I think you know.”
She did, but home had changed. Like her freedom, it, too, was tainted.
“Where are you going?”
He grinned. “Home.”
“She’s a good home.”
“She’s the best home.”
Jackson dropped Jillian off at the airport.
“Choose it.” He held out two envelopes. One said Day, the other said Knight.
“What’s this?”
“It’s G.A.I.L’s parting gift. How are you going to get on a plane without any identification or money?
“Good point.”
“Pick.”
She needed more time, but maybe time wouldn’t make the decision any easier. Pulling the envelope from his right hand, she smiled. “New Year’s in Omaha?”
“Omaha.”
*
A cab took her to Willamette National Cemetery. She had no idea where he was, but it felt like part of her journey to find him. Bundled in a coat and gloves under a cloud-covered sky, she took her time searching. Every headstone had a story, some far more tragic than anything in her life.
Then he appeared.
Aric J Monaghan
She touched her gloved hand to her lips as her eyes filled with tears. “Hey, Aric James.” She squatted down, tracing the writing engraved into the granite. The days of guarding her emotions were over. The only way to move forward was to water his grave with her tears.
“The napkin … God … the napkin. I should hate you so much … but I don’t. I forgive you. I know … you’re probably not sorry, but you should be.” Biting her lips, she swallowed hard. Her heart thundered in her chest as if it felt his nearness.
“I never wanted to love you, until I did. Then for a perfectly beautiful moment in time I didn’t want to love anybody but you.”
She dropped to her knees. “Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Because I do, I miss you every day.” Closing her eyes, she let the tears flow and welcomed the pain. It would forever remind her of the love.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever truly find my path again, but if I do, you’ll always be my favorite detour.”
“Jillian?”
She turned. Wiping her cheeks, she stood. “Hi.”
AJ’s parents gave her sympathetic smiles.
“You should have told us you were coming to Portland.” Char hugged her.
“I’m leaving tonight. It’s just a day trip.”
“How are you? We’ve been so worried about you.” Char stepped back, wrapping her arm around Jim.
“About that … I can’t tell you how horrible I feel about missing the funeral.”
Char’s eyes shifted to the cuts and bruises. “You look … what happened?”
“I … I fell into a bit of bad luck on my way to the funeral.”
“A car accident or something?” Jim asked.
“Yeah, something like that,” she mumbled the last part. “I’ve been in the hospital.”
“Oh my God … we had no idea.” Char reached for Jillian’s hand and squeezed it. “You look terribly thin and fragile.”
She nodded at Char. “I’m going to be fine. I just … needed to talk to him.”
They looked past her to AJ’s grave. “We come every day, but if you need some more time alone we can come back.”
“No. I’ve said…” she batted away a few more tears, drawing in a breath of courage “…all there’s left to say.”
She turned around one last time. “Goodbye, Aric James Monaghan,” she whispered.
Chapter Forty
The lady at the gate took her ticket before she boarded the plane home.
“Enjoy your flight, Miss Day.”
Jessica nodded. “Thank you.”
At every corner, happiness eluded her. Then when it was right there, she still felt undeserving. Luke was at the hospital, he held her, she saw the depths of the love in his eyes, but … there were still so many buts.
A hotel would have been the smart choice, but at nearly midnight Jessica found herself at Luke’s door instead. She wasn’t sure why or what she expected.
The door opened, sucking the breath from her lungs.
Luke answered in a pair of lounge pants and a white T-shirt. He squinted against the light, rubbing his sleepy eyes. “Hi,” he said in a raspy voice.
“Hi. I … I just…” she shook her head “…don’t know why I’m here.”
Luke opened the door wider. “Do you want to come in while you figure it out?”
The instant she stepped inside, Jones trotted down the hall toward her carrying her red hoodie in his mouth.
“Hi, Jonesy.” She hugged him, tears stinging her eyes. “I missed you so much.” When she released him, he picked up the hoodie and retreated to the guest bedroom, content with her return.
“When did you get out of the hospital?”
Jessica hugged herself, feeling like a stranger in what used to be her home too.
“This morning.”
“How do you feel?”
She took a deep breath then released it slowly. “Like I’m going to live.”
“I’m glad.” His eyes inspected her.
She chuckled, hugging herself. “Me too.”
An uncomfortable silence settled between them.
“Where are you staying?”
“Oh … I …”