“I haven’t had my five minutes yet.”
Jessica stopped breathing. She didn’t recognize the icy voice behind her. It held no love, only a year of anger that would cut her to the bone.
Turning, she held her head up in spite of her tears. She would die from his words before she’d let him live with the pain of harboring them. Fisting her hands, she imagined them taped and ready for Jude’s unforgiving jabs. The difference was she wouldn’t fight back. Luke was about to knock her out without even touching her.
“You destroyed us when you died without giving me a choice. Knox said I could have come with you. I know you did it for my family, but that’s just it. You made the choice. I know how fucking selfish it sounds, but I would have chosen us. I would have left, even with Lake in a coma.”
Jessica blinked.
Words cut.
Emotions bled as tears.
He knocked her down. She got back up.
“That picture is branded into my memory, and I want to physically cut it out of my brain. Another man touched you. Another man loved you. Another man made you feel and love and it wasn’t me. You let him have you, and it should have been me. I never knew him, yet I hate everything about him including the part of your heart that he took to his grave. I can never have that. And I’m selfish because I want everything.”
Jessica bit her quivering lip until she tasted blood.
“I hate the color of your hair. I hate the name Jillian Knight. I fucking hate the whole goddamn state of Nebraska.” His voice escalated. Each word cut deeper as he let go of the rawest, deepest, most painful emotions. He stepped toward her.
“Is that what you want to hear? That loving you has turned me into a selfish bastard.” He blinked and just like that … his own emotions bled down his face.
“I hate myself for feeling this way. I hate myself for wanting to rip off your clothes and fuck you until I can no longer see that photo, until you can no longer remember his touch, until I’ve reclaimed every part of you right down to your soul.” He stepped closer, as close as he could get without touching her. “In my head I know what you did was selfless and amazing and … the most beautiful gift to him. And the rational part of me is so damn proud of you for finding the part of you that I’ve seen all along.”
She swallowed hard, refusing to shy away, no matter how hard he punched.
“But with you, my feelings don’t come from my head, they come from my heart. My love for you is selfish because I don’t think you need it anymore. I’ve been walking around here on pins and needles, so afraid that you’re still grieving him, missing him, needing him. I’m so afraid my touch will scare you away. But I’m So. Fucking. Selfish. Because it doesn’t matter whether you need my love anymore …”
He released a sob and so did she.
“Because I need to love you.” Drawing in a ragged breath, he shrugged. “It’s all I know,” he whispered.
Knocked out.
Luke reached into her chest, pulled out her heart, and said, “If I can’t have it, no one can have it.”
She wanted to tell him that her love for AJ was real. She wanted to tell him that she regretted nothing. She wanted to tell him that fate took her away from him because AJ needed her more, if only for a mere breath in time. But she didn’t because it didn’t matter. AJ died … and so did Jillian Knight.
“Time’s up,” she whispered.
Five minutes. He killed her in five minutes.
Defeat pulled his gaze to the floor. “I don’t know what you want me to do.”
Jessica took his hand and placed it over her heart. “Touch me.”
His eyes locked to hers. “Jess—”
She kissed him. Time was up.
It was the longest five minutes of her life. It was the most painful five minutes of her life. Like all the other odds in her life, she survived and they would never talk about it again. Jessica died to be with AJ … but she lived to be with Luke.
“Dammit, Jones!” She grabbed his hair because he stood there, hands limp at his sides. “He borrowed me, but you own me. You. Fucking. Own. Me. Take back what’s yours and don’t ever let me go.”
He kissed her—really kissed her. Eager hands tore off clothes. Within seconds of hitting the bed, he filled her on a painfully emotional groan.
“Luke …” She surrendered everything.
He captured her lips and reclaimed the woman that had always been his. In that moment Jessica couldn’t remember AJ’s touch. She let the memory of it die. She let Luke erase it.