Fortuity (Transcend 3)

“Yeah. I’m sure you do.” She averts her gaze to the kids as I take a seat on the swing next to her.

“I take it you don’t like it.”

She shrugs. “It’s fine.”

“Is everything okay?”

Angling her body to face me, she gives me that same tight smile. It’s weird, like she’s waiting for me to answer the very question I just asked.

“I take it everything is not okay?” I say slowly.

“Wow … look at you spending less time looking at my hair right now … my newly colored hair … in favor of meeting my gaze.” She points her index and middle fingers at her eyes.

“I just said I like your hair.”

“Mmm … yes.” She turns away from me again, shifting her attention to the kids playing Frisbee.

“Gracelyn, I’m not good at guessing games. Just say it. I don’t know what I did.”

“Listen, this has nowhere to go anyway. You’re leaving in under two months, and I’m done with men. So while the kiss was nice—well, maybe more than nice—and the flirting and goofy wager over seeing my tattoos was fun, it’s time for a reality check.”

“O—kay. And what reality check is that?”

“I’m not your wife.”

My head jolts back. “What are you talking about? What does Jenna have to do with this?”

“This attraction started because my hair reminded you of her when you two first met. You always stare at my hair before you look at my eyes or anything else, but just now … you looked at my face and my dress, then you looked at my hair for less than a second. And the disappointment on your face was so obvious. I’m no longer her. Which…” she runs her hands through her orangey hair “…is the reason I changed the color. I deal with enough ghosts in my life. The last thing I need is to be the ghost of your dead wife.”

I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. There are no words. Should I be apologetic? Angry? I honestly don’t know because I didn’t see this coming. It’s impossible to make sense of everything she just said. “I … I fear you misunderstood—”

“It’s fine, Nathaniel.”

Now it’s Nathaniel. She’s definitely upset.

“It’s okay to hold on to her. It’s okay if you never really move on. It’s okay if you never find that kind of love again because she was the one, and no one else will ever come close. Take some sage advice from someone who knows … threesomes don’t work. If your heart can’t let go, then you will take her with you into every new relationship. And even though she’s dead and no one can see her … they will feel her.”

It’s clear now. The man who left her at the altar must have lost someone. And he couldn’t let that someone go. That’s the look she saw in his eyes before he skipped out on her.

“I’m sorry,” I say with complete sincerity. “I think I read into all of this wrong. After years of moving from one place to another, making friends, leaving friends, but living in the moment with Morgan, I assumed we—you and I—could have this moment. A fun moment that felt emotionally safe because we both knew there would be no expectations at the end of summer.”

I sigh, redirecting my focus to the kids on the beach since Gracelyn won’t look at me. “I don’t have huge cliffs to dive off of in Madison, but I seized the moment when I had the opportunity. I wanted to make the memory. Morgan and I have experienced so much that we will likely never experience again. And as much as we miss some of those experiences and people we’ve met along the way, there’s no regret.” I stand, stepping away from the swing, keeping my back to her. “I kissed you, Gracelyn Glock. And I did it without regret. I did it without thinking of Jenna.”

Descending the few steps, I return to my deck and take a seat to watch the kids. I had no idea Gracelyn was so emotionally trapped in her past.

*

The next morning, I wake with some clarity. If I’m completely honest, the resemblance to Jenna was almost spooky when I first met Gracelyn. I’ve seen other women with traits that reminded me of Jenna. It doesn’t change the fact that I kissed Gracelyn, not a ghost of my wife.

It also doesn’t change the current situation. We’re leaving in less than two months, and Gracelyn has her plate full with Gabe, the loss of his parents, her new role in life, and a past that includes misfortune with love.

“Daaad!” My favorite alarm sounds just as I finish putting on my jogging shorts and tee.

“Mooorgan!” I call from the bathroom as I apply deodorant.

“Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!” She bounces into the room ready to explode with excitement. “Hunter and Mr. Hans are downstairs. She wasn’t supposed to tell me this because Mr. Hans wants to discuss it with you first, but she did. And now you have to promise to say yes. You have to say yes, or I will never forgive you.”