“I’m sorry,” Nate whispers.
“It was young love. That never lasts, right?” My tears join the shallow water at our feet. “And maybe it wouldn’t have lasted, but his death … it lives inside of my heart like an incurable disease.” I laugh. “Life dies in a blink, but death … it lives for eternity. It’s infected every relationship since him.”
I wipe my tears and glance up at him. “So here’s the whole truth, because I like to share the part that lets me look like a victim instead of the villain that I am. Andy cheated on me because when we were having sex, I called him Brandon. He felt like that was cheating as much as him actually screwing someone else. And this …” I hold up my wrist and tug on the bracelet. “Brandon sold his baseball card collection several months before he died so he could buy this for me. And twenty years after his death, I’m still wearing it. This…” I tug it again “…is the reason Michael left me at the altar. He knew about Brandon. He knew Brandon gave it to me. And he never asked me to take it off during the two years we dated and our six-month engagement. Not once. Until … the night before our wedding, he asked me to not wear it anymore once I became his wife. He didn’t want to share me with my past.”
Nate wipes my tears as I keep my gaze averted to the sliver of light still lining the horizon.
“I agreed. I mean … it’s just a bracelet. Why wouldn’t I take it off and hide it with a pile of photos or at the bottom of a cedar chest along with other sentimental things from my life? The next morning, I woke up and started the fun of hair and makeup, getting ready for my wedding day. My. Wedding. Day.”
I close my eyes briefly and shake my head. “My mom helped me into my dress at the church. She made a few last-minute fixes to my hair. And then she handed me a box—a gift from Michael. A stunning diamond pendant necklace. It looked amazing with my strapless dress. I cried. Mom wiped my tears and fixed my makeup. Then she gave me a few minutes alone before joining my dad and bridesmaids waiting for me at the entrance to the sanctuary filled with our family and friends. I tried to take off the bracelet. At first, I thought I couldn’t do it because my hands were too shaky, so I poked my head out the door and my maid of honor rushed to help me. The second she removed it … I just couldn’t breathe.
“She kept asking me what was wrong. I couldn’t answer. I just knew that the moment she took it off, it felt like she was taking away my ability to find oxygen, and my heart pounded in my chest as panic set in. So I held out my wrist and whispered through labored breaths for her to put it back on. If Michael loved me, he wouldn’t let something as insignificant as a bracelet stop us from getting married. It made perfect sense in my head, so I walked down the aisle. His sister read a bible verse, someone else sang a song, the minister spoke words of love and commitment.
“It. Was. My. Wedding. Day. A perfect September day in the mid-seventies with sunshine and no wind. My dream dress. My best friends in navy blue with bouquets of soft yellows and pinks. Flower girl. Ring bearer. It was perfect … except the man taking my hands to exchange vows wasn’t Brandon. And he didn’t like the shiny bracelet on my wrist. I knew … I knew the exact moment the wedding was off. It was the way his whole body deflated when his gaze landed on my wrist. It was the raw emotions in his eyes when he met my gaze. He knew I would never take it off. And I knew he would never be my husband.”
I rest my hands on his chest and draw in a shaky breath. “Take your daughter home. Buy her the clothes she wants, not the ones you think she should wear.” I slide my hand up to his cheek and brush my thumb over his slight grin. “No buts. No regrets. Okay?”
He wrings out more tears just by encircling my wrist and kissing my palm before brushing his lips to my bracelet and pressing a kiss over it. “Okay,” he whispers.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Nathaniel
I find a brave face. Gracelyn’s hurting. I know that emotion all too well. It’s not like I have a solution. My daughter wants to go home more than anything. Gabe wants to be here where he can cling to what normalcy and routine he has left after so recently losing his parents.