The driver lets me out. “Thank you.”
“Have a pleasant evening, Ms. Carmichael.”
He pulls away from the curb, but I can’t move. My feet are lead and the rest of my body falls victim to the paralyzing heartbreak I feel over the thought I could be losing Trick. Just feet away from my gate, I close my eyes and let the tears fall. It hurts so damn bad. I’ve fallen in love with my best friend and he can never love me back.
“Don’t cry.”
I swallow the sob that begins to escape as my body freezes from the sound of that deep voice I love so much. I will my body to turn around.
Trick stands on the edge of the curb with his arms limp at his sides.
“Please … just go away.” The words cut through my throat. “I can’t do this … I can’t be your friend anymore.”
“Why not?”
Looking up at the sky, I swipe away more tears and shake my head. “Don’t do this…” each word a desperate plea “…please don’t do this.”
I look at him, my pride too broken to hide my feelings, so I let him see my pain. “You gave me the thing I thought I wanted most in life.” Biting together my quivering lips, I taste my salty emotions. “But then you changed everything … and I-I can’t breathe when I’m with you…” sniffling, I suck in a shaky breath “…and I can’t think without you.”
I laugh over my tears, while shaking my head. “God! I’m such a fucked-up mess. I know you can’t change, but…” a renewed stream of tears race down my cheeks, and the crippling pain holds my words to a soft whisper “…but neither can I.”
I let go of my sob and through the glassy haze of tears I watch him close the distance between us. Fingers weave into my hair, clenching it to bring my lips to his. My world explodes into a million fragments of heaven and hell as I fall limp into his arms. I can’t think so I just react to his punishing lips and demanding tongue. My arms fly around his neck—fingers clawing the back of his head. I taste him, smell him, feel him, want him … I fucking need him.
He steps forward and I step backward until we’re at my gate, then through the door. I’d rather die than lose his touch. He kicks the door shut and jerks off my wrap. A quick draw of my zipper and my dress falls to my ankles. His strong hands cup and squeeze my breasts, thumbs grazing my hard nipples. I moan into his mouth while pushing up his shirt. He grabs it with one hand, breaking our kiss for the first time as he pulls it over his head. Standing inches away, completely breathless, we stare at each other.
His eyes travel from my lips to my bared chest, my white lace panties then to my heels, before meeting my eyes again. And as if it’s been chasing us all the way into the house, my brain catches up. I can’t read him, but that look … I think it’s confusion … Oh my God, it’s regret. It’s not his fault, and I hate that it’s happening, but my already red eyes fill with more tears—shame. I knew the moment our lips broke, the ugliness of our reality would be waiting, shaking its fingers.
I try to blink my tears away while biting that stupid quivering lower lip. Moving my hands to cover my breasts, I avert my gaze. “It-it’s okay. I’m sorry, it’s my fault.”
His hand cups my jaw, turning my head. My fleeting glance turns into a longing gaze. He brushes his thumb across my wet lips. I close my eyes. Ghosting his mouth up my neck to my ear, he whispers, “It’s nobody’s fault.” Bringing his other hand to cup my face, he kisses me again. If he stops this time … I. Will. Die.
Releasing my breasts, my hands work to unfasten his jeans.
What if he’s not hard? What if this is all for me? What if …
Trick grabs the back of my legs, lifting me up, then carries me up the stairs. Dropping to his knees at the top, he lays me on the floor and shoves down his jeans and boxer briefs with his eyes burning into mine.
“Tric—”
His mouth collides with mine again, and before I can comprehend what’s happening, he pulls the crotch of my panties to the side and plunges into me. Drawing my knees up, I cry into his mouth. Interlacing our fingers, he slides our hands above our heads and takes me to a place of physical ecstasy … and emotional hell.
Chapter Eleven
It’s been two days since I’ve seen or heard from Trick. Without a single word, he picked me up off the floor and carried me to my bed. Dropping a slow kiss on the top of my head, he wiped away a few more of my tears and then … he left.