Lila and Graham had their lives that were, in so many ways, a million miles away from mine.
But I had Franz and Anya.
Every. Single. Day. I had to remind myself that they were enough. And they were. So very much.
When the vehicle stopped, the driver opened the back door. Ronin lifted me out and walked into the hotel. A bellboy followed us with our shared overnight bag. When we made it to the room, the bellboy opened the door.
“Thank you,” Ronin murmured, his first words since he retrieved me from the back of the Porter estate.
The door closed behind us as he carried me to the king-sized bed in the lavish suite. I felt the immediate loss of his arms when he set me down on the edge of the bed and loosened his tie. I picked the most handsome man in the world to break my heart. It was such a rare occasion that I got to see Ronin in a suit, looking like sex on a stick. Why did this one have to end with him picking up my broken pieces?
Disappearing to the bathroom, he turned on the water before returning, wearing nothing but a plush white towel tied around his waist. He didn’t speak. We didn’t speak. What was there to say?
I let him slide his jacket off my shoulders, unzip my dress, and work my panties off my hips while I sat idle like a rag doll. All I wanted was to close my eyes and sleep for a hundred years. Was that too much to ask for my birthday wish?
Again, Ronin lifted me up into his arms, completely naked, and carried me to the bathroom. He eased me into the tub of steamy water, discarded his towel, and wedged his body in the tub behind mine. I rested my hands under the water on his legs and leaned back, using his chest as a pillow.
Warm lips brushed my ear. Strong arms wrapped around my shoulders. When the water reached its limit, Ronin leaned over and turned it off. Grabbing a washcloth, he wet it and brought his face down next to mine so he could see to gently wipe the makeup from it. I closed my eyes.
“I’m not going to ask you what happened in Vancouver.”
My eyes blinked back open.
“I failed you as a husband, as a friend, and as a father to our children. It was my job to take care of our family. But I couldn’t, and I hated it. Getting out of bed was a monumental challenge. Carrying our injured child nearly made me pass out. So … I looked for a solution, but nothing worked except …”
The pills.
He continued to wipe my face, rewetting the washcloth. “You’re so damn smart, and it was wrong of me to act like you wouldn’t know exactly what was happening. I was … I am so ashamed that I let it happen to me.” Ronin blew out a slow, shaky breath. “But it did. And I hate that you had to find out like you did. I hate that I was too weak to ask for help. I hate that in my attempt to show so much strength, I bared my biggest weakness.”
I traced my fingers over his leg muscles, closing my eyes again as he continued to clean my face. “I’m both.”
After a few seconds, he kissed my cheek, letting his lips linger there as he whispered, “Both what?”
“I am your biggest strength … and your biggest weakness.” I shifted in the tub, not caring about the water sloshing over the sides. Settling myself at the opposite end, I massaged his calves as he ghosted his fingers along the topside of my feet. “And I know this because you are my biggest strength … and my biggest weakness.”
Ronin nodded slowly, bringing my foot to his mouth and kissing my big toe.
“I fucked up your birthday.” He teased the pad of my toe with his teeth.
“You did.” I shrugged. “But you had help.”
A tiny line formed along the bridge of his nose as he let his gaze fall away from mine.
“Ronin, I’m not shaming you. Or Lila and Graham. It was a disaster. Emotionally draining. But like life, it had its beautiful moments. Our families all together for the first time.” I smiled. “Franz in that tiny tux and Anya in that red dress and big bow in her hair.”
That brought a real smile to Ronin’s face too, even if he still couldn’t look at me.
“So while it’s tempting to want to forget this whole day, that would be a greater tragedy. There are too many memories I will cherish. I’ll take the bad with the good. That’s life.” I bopped his chin with my toe, forcing him to look at me again. “When we exchanged those vows five years ago, we promised a lot of things, but we never said it would be easy.”