“Excuuuse me? Did you really just call me a porn star?”
“I don’t know …” He tilted his head to the side, eyes narrowed. “Did you sit on Graham’s face or his cock the very same day we met?”
I opened my mouth to spit more venom, but nothing came out. Instead, I deflated. “Oh my god …” I whispered. “What are we doing?”
That was easy—we were pissed off about other uncontrollable circumstances in our lives, and instead of facing them, making plans to survive them, we were throwing stupid punches over something as frivolous as Va-ness-uh karaoke. It was on me. I was the one in control of the situation. Ronin was simply reacting to jumbled pieces of the unknown.
I knew better. I had all the pieces.
Crawling onto his lap, I ran my fingers though his hair. He stiffened. I couldn’t blame him.
“I’m so sorry.” I kissed the corner of his mouth.
His head made a tiny jerk away from me.
Fair.
He had every right to feel upset and confused. Had the tables been turned, I would have been a tornado of emotions throwing shit like cell phones at his head.
“Graham didn’t touch me, and I didn’t touch him. He threw out some ridiculous idea about having a threesome as we were all in my bed in our pajamas. For the record, I didn’t invite them into my room. They came over and just piled into my bed when all I wanted to do was go to sleep and dream about this sexy guy I met that day.”
Ronin’s lips twitched, but he managed to keep them from bending into a smile.
“I was hugging the edge of the bed with my back to Lila and Graham on the other side of her when he—out of the blue—suggested a threesome. I said nothing because I didn’t take his stupid suggestion seriously. Then the next thing I knew he was touching Lila and Lila was touching me.”
Ronin’s right eyebrow worked its way up his forehead.
“She fondled my breasts and teased my nipples with her tongue ring; then I made a quick exit into the hallway before things went any further,” I spewed out the words as fast as I could.
Nodding slowly, Ronin narrowed his eyes. “What was Graham doing while Lila was doing this to you?”
I wrinkled my nose, not wanting to replay that night. “I … I don’t know. Touching her, touching himself.” I shook my head. “I don’t like to think about it.”
He wet his lips and scraped his top teeth along his bottom lip several times. “How did it feel?”
I choked out a laugh. “No. We are not discussing this. It’s not therapy. You now know it was nothing like what you were just watching. It was a weird moment between friends.”
“Lila seemed to recall those memories with a sort of fondness. I think she liked your nipples.” He took a quick glance at said nipples.
I grabbed the sheet to cover my chest. “So…” I squinted “…me sitting on any part of Graham’s body nearly sent you into killer mode, but Lila messing with my breasts simply makes you curious? Had it been Graham’s tongue on my nipples, why would that have not been okay?”
“I’m a guy.” He shrugged; a boyish grin climbed up his face.
“That’s such a pathetic excuse.”
He tugged on the sheet, pulling it away from my chest. “Let’s be clear …” His hands slid from my hips, over my ribs to my breasts.
“Clear about what?” I framed his face with my hands, brushing my thumb over his lips.
He smiled, following my thumb with his tongue. “I’m the only one who touches you.”
“You …” I replaced my thumb with my lips, seeking the familiar taste of my husband, the comfort of his hands, the shelter of his body pressed to mine.
Life wasn’t easy. It wasn’t always beautiful. Some days it was flat-out cruel.
But … it was undeniably worth it.
The next morning, I woke before Ronin, feeling the dawn of reality crushing against my chest. My birthday was over. Our bubble would burst any second. Life would test us once again.
“It’s too early to lift the weight of the world.”
I grinned, glancing over my shoulder as Ronin stretched. My feet dangled from the side of the bed, daring me to touch the ground. After a night of remembering all the reasons I said, “I do,” it was hard to take that next step. So … I just let my feet dangle for a few more minutes.
“It is a heavy burden, but I think I’ll lift one thing at a time.” I bit my lower lip and wrinkled my nose, not wanting to name that thing.
“I’ll take a few days off, just to get through the initial withdrawal. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to do this on an outpatient basis. As long as I take the meds they give me, attend the suggested counseling, and join a support group, it should go smoothly.”