She nodded to her phone on the nanny cam app and the split screen video footage of their rooms.
“Did Franz have a good first day?”
Another nod.
“Are you going to speak to me tonight? I need to call and get my car towed, but I need to know we’re good first.”
Evie dropped the bread knife on the cutting board and wiggled out of my arms to turn toward me. “Fun. She called the ride fun. What happened in her car that was so fun? Because she bit her lip like she wanted to eat you.”
“Evie … I don’t know.” My hands fell to my sides. I had to work in the morning. And two flat tires weren’t going to get me there. But I didn’t want to miss eating with my family. I just wanted to have a nice dinner and skip the third degree. More than that … I wanted to not feel so damn depressed, and I wanted my head to stop hurting. My left eye still felt like it was going to explode. “I’m going to go see the kids.”
As I started to turn, Evie grabbed my wrist. “That’s it? That’s the best you have?”
Yes. That was the best I had. Not feeling the urge to plead my case—to beg for her to tell me she wasn’t mad, that she understood—was proof that something was seriously messed-up in my head. “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to kiss me like you missed me. I want you to back me into the nearest wall and put your hands in places that would confuse the kids if they caught us. I want you to whisper in my ear all the incredibly dirty things you can’t wait to do to me when the kids go to sleep.”
I wanted to want to do all of those things. I just … didn’t. Not with Evie. Not with Adrianne. Not with anyone. It was like someone reached into my body and ripped my sex drive right out of me, leaving behind a pathetic, limp man with the world’s sexiest wife.
“Maybe another night when I don’t have to figure out how I’m going to get my car fixed and back in the garage by morning. I’ll check on the kids while you finish up, unless you need me to do something else.”
She deflated.
I was unexplainably damaged, but not completely broken. Framing her face in my hands, I bent forward and brushed my nose against hers. “This raincheck has nothing to do with what’s-her-name.”
Evie placed her hands over my hands and lifted onto her toes a fraction to kiss me. I didn’t deny her. I liked kissing my wife, even if it didn’t ignite me the way it did before Lila got sick.
She fought me when I tried to end the kiss. The fingernails of one hand clawed into my hand while her other hand moved along my abs and below my waist. Her body turned to stone. We stopped.
My eyes closed as my forehead rested against her forehead.
“I thought it would take longer than five years for us to get to this point,” she whispered, releasing my limp dick and turning away from me to resume cutting the bread.
“Evie—”
“The kids are waiting for you. Just go.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Evelyn
“I’m co-parenting,” I said as soon as Lila answered her phone. After weeks of not talking about Adrianne’s attempt to befriend me, weeks of not having sex, weeks of not discussing Ronin’s inability to get an erection with my hand stroking his junk, I decided I needed my best friend.
“Hi,” she sounded groggy.
“Sorry. Were you sleeping?” I glanced at my watch, cutting a new batch of soap.
“No. But I’m a little tired.” She cleared her throat, coming back with a little more strength in her voice. “What do you mean you’re co-parenting?”
“I’m living with the father of my children. We cook meals, clean, play with the kids, and share a bed—never crossing the invisible line in the middle. Sometimes, like before he leaves for work or right when he gets home, he gives me a hug and kiss on the top of my head, but that’s it. It’s the affection you’d give your mother or a sister, maybe even a friend.”
I thought of all the times Graham gave me the same kind of attention. At that point, I would have given anything for Ronin to look at me the way Graham looked at me. Why was the wrong person giving me the “more-than-friends” look?
“Has he told you why he’s not showing more affection?”
I sighed. “No. Well, sort of. He blames it on stress with work. But we’ve been through a lot of stress in our nearly six years of marriage, and it’s never had this effect on us. The problem is, on the outside we seem fine. He’s going to work, engaging with the kids, he even asks me about things at my shop and does his fair share of helping out around the house. Like I said, he’s a roommate, a co-parent. I miss my husband. My lover. But I’m afraid to say anything because …”