“I’m not worried about the cameras. They truly add ten pounds. And as I said, I can cover any bruising with makeup. As for Evie … well, as a teenager, I had some issues, mainly as a result of my parents dying, but also self-esteem issues. Evie knows I was anorexic for a time. If she needs to think that again, it’s easier to deal with that than cancer. And I’m going to shave my head soon, hopefully before it starts coming out in clumps. I’ve already contacted someone who will make me a wig, maybe using some of my own hair. She’s really good. I don’t think Evie will ever know.”
“If you die, she will know.”
Lila turned a few feet inside her bedroom. Her gaze slid to the plush white carpet between us. “I know. If that happens, she will grieve. She will get over it. She will go on being a wife and mother. If she finds out now, she will suffer. Evie doesn’t deserve to suffer anymore. Your kids deserve a happy mom. You deserve a happy wife.”
I wasn’t sure I had a happy wife at the moment, but I didn’t say that to Lila because I feared my issues (that stemmed from Lila) were the reason. Lila didn’t need to suffer anymore either.
“You’re not going to die.” I didn’t know that. I just hoped if I thought it and said it aloud enough that maybe she would believe it too. My knowledge of life, death, other lives, other universes … well, it wasn’t extensive. I knew nothing more than the belief that anything was possible. If Lila believed she would live, she would live.
When our gazes locked, her mouth curled into a familiar smile. “We’re all going to die, Ronin.” With a shrug, she released a tiny chuckle. “But … hopefully not today.”
“Not today.” I matched her smile.
“I was going through these boxes the other day.” Lila disappeared into the closet, which was bigger than our master bedroom, and returned with two floral hat boxes stacked on top of each other. “Photos from homecoming and prom. And my best friend winning the science fair two years in a row.”
I chuckled. “Sounds about right.”
Lila set the hat boxes on the gray tufted bench at the end of the king bed adorned in thick white, silver, and baby blue bedding. I sat on the other side of the hat boxes as she opened the first box and thumbed through the messy stacks of photos.
“This is Maverick.” She handed me a photo of Evie and her date for one of the dances.
He looked like a sweaty mess. The dude’s disheveled brown hair stuck to his sweaty brow covered with pimples, only slightly deterring from his crooked black tie. Evie wore a simple pink strapless dress that fell just below her knees and shoes dyed to match it. Her hair was a bit longer and not quite as blond, and she had bangs curled and heavily cemented in place with hairspray.
“Maverick looks a bit nervous. How long did they date?”
“Oh …” she giggled.
She. Giggled.
It felt good. Lila felt good. I felt good.
“Maverick is the poodle photobombing right there.” She pointed to the caramel poodle poking its head into the shot. “I don’t remember the boy’s name. Evie was super pissed off at her ex-boyfriend, Brandon, so she said yes to the first guy who asked her to homecoming that year. I think his name was Todd? Tye? Travis? I don’t know. Something like that.”
She continued to go through the photos, handing some to me while discarding others back into the hat box. Lila not only made me feel good, she made me feel closer to Evie.
“Oh, you have to see all of these.” She hugged a stack of photos to her chest, blue eyes wide and filled with excitement like those of a child. “They’re from my eleventh birthday. My parents took me and Evie skiing.”
She crawled onto the bed and plopped onto her back with her head on one pillow.
I followed her, resting my head on the other pillow.
“I’m not sure we have any photos of her standing upright.” She giggled more, handing me photo after photo of Evelyn on her butt, her face, her side. One ski on and one ski off. Ski patrol helping her on and off the lifts.
Those photos made me miss my wife. They made me fall in love with her all over again.
“This … this was her favorite thing to do.” Lila handed me a photo of Evie with a hot chocolate mustache. “She endured the awfulness because she’s always been the very best friend a girl could ever have, and she loved hot chocolate and warm cookies in the lodge.”
Lila sighed. “My accident … it happened because Evie wanted to let us—you, me, and Graham do what we loved to do. Had she been selfish, not thinking of other people before herself, I never would have been on skis that day. Isn’t that crazy?”