“You bit my fucking cheek off. And I’m supposed to trust you?”
“Then kill me. Put that pillow over my head again and finish the job.”
Her words stirred up my nausea again. I wasn’t a killer. Wanting someone out of your life or possibly dead (if that was the only choice) was different than killing them. It was why I pulled the pillow away from her head before she stopped moving. I just … I couldn’t do it.
What can I say? I was a nice guy. Nice guys didn’t kill people. Neither did governors or men who wanted to be with Evelyn Taylor. I mean, Evelyn was spontaneous and reckless with her love life. After all, she quickly spread her legs for Ronin, married him without telling me, and got knocked up—twice. But spending eternity with a killer felt like a hard limit for her, even on her most reckless day.
Christmas. That was six weeks away. Six weeks. I spent years waiting for another chance with Evelyn. I could wait six more weeks.
“If you don’t go through with it, I’ll have no choice but to have someone do it for me.”
“What do I have to live for?” she whispered.
I rolled to sitting, feeling more queasiness.
“I’m going to Chicago tomorrow afternoon. The meeting was rescheduled.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I glanced over my shoulder at her.
“Everyone thinks I’m going back to engineering. Appearance matters. You’ve said that a million times.” No emotion. Lila had zero emotion in her voice.
“I’ll be tracking you.” I grabbed her bound arms and untied them. Then I untied her feet.
“You always do.”
Before closing her door, I turned back to her as she rubbed her wrists, especially the one that had a cast on it just a week earlier. Did I feel bad? Sure. But life was filled with tough decisions and unfortunate situations.
Lila’s parents were waiting for her in the afterlife. Maybe it was meant to be more than it was tragic. Maybe one day I would tell Evelyn about Lila’s leukemia and how the accident probably saved her from suffering a far worse death.
Yes. I would tell her that.
I smiled from my revelation, but when Lila glanced up, she didn’t share my excitement, and I was too lightheaded to explain it. I needed to get to my bed before I passed out.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Lila
My husband raped me. That wasn’t a first.
He almost killed me. That wasn’t a first either.
That brick wall … the end of denial. The point beyond repair and all hope. That was a first.
Me injuring him? That was new too. And it felt incredible. His blood tasted like sweet revenge. Had he killed me, I would have died a happy woman.
I fought back but not with my words. I physically proved to him that if he hurt me, I would hurt him too. However, Evelyn’s betrayal to me, to Ronin … to her kids. That gutted me. It hurt worse than any punch or fall I’d ever taken at the hands of my husband. I tried every way possible to make sense of it in another way. Maybe he blackmailed her. Maybe he forced her.
But it didn’t look like he was forcing her. She hummed as he fucked her mouth. Not grunts … actual humming.
Maybe it wasn’t her. After all, the camera view only showed her back. And the footage was dark. But he said her name. And he said things to her that he wouldn’t say to some whore who shared her name.
It was her. I knew it in my gut. Even if I didn’t fully understand her reasoning for doing it, I knew it was her.
We all had secrets. We all experienced desires.
I wanted Ronin and he felt it. I wanted him even as my brain and my heart tried to convince my body I shouldn’t want him. But he touched me like Graham had never touched me before. It wasn’t a conscious decision to feel that attraction—that desire. It happened like lighting a match too close to gasoline. I ignited and I thought my inability to control it might burn everything to the ground.
But together, we controlled it. We did it for Evelyn. Would I be able to do it for her again?
“Hey.” Ronin greeted me with a sad smile when I opened the door.
The staff had the rest of the week off, thanks to Graham. And Governor Porter had a full day of meetings and lots of explaining to do about his run-in with a mean dog.
“Hi. You don’t look well.”
“Thanks for the compliment.” He sighed.
I padded my bare feet toward the library, a place Graham rarely visited. We agreed no bedroom, and while my loyalty to Evelyn shattered the previous day, I owed Ronin more than going back on my word.
“I had a scan yesterday. What they thought was working is no longer working. After the news I had a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe. Did you feel that?”