His hand on my breast …
Sliding between my legs …
He took off his shirt …
Kept on his pants …
I hated the material between us. I wanted to feel him inside of me, but he couldn’t go that far …
We held each other for hours …
When I awoke he was gone …
We hurt Evelyn. And maybe she deserved it. But it felt awful. I am awful …
I want to die …
Tossing the journal aside, I ran to the bathroom and heaved in the toilet, a cold sweat beading along my brow, my heart racing so fast it felt ready to explode through my chest.
After rinsing my mouth, I wobbled on unsteady legs back to the bed. Sitting on the edge, I stared at the journal, unsure if I could read another word.
But … I had to keep going. If Ronin took his life because of the words in that journal, I owed it to myself and to him to read every last word.
Graham beat me within an inch of my life. I’m blind in one eye. My jaw is certainly broken. And I lost a tooth. But I don’t even care about my condition. He told me the woman in the sex video was not Evelyn …
Not. Evelyn …
She will never forgive me. What I did was unforgivable. I hate Graham for lying to me. Still, I hate me more …
Today I will reunite with my mom and dad …
“NO!” I covered my mouth quickly to hide my complete breakdown, dropping the journal on the floor. I grabbed a pillow and cried, sobbed, nearly died in that moment. What if? What if Lila and Ronin were both gone? How could I live in that kind of world? How could I be a good mom if the people who loved me the most in the world were gone?
I scooted off the bed onto my knees and picked up the journal with shaky hands and tiny sobs racking my whole body.
It’s time …
A special note to my very best friend, my true other half, my sister, my family, my life—Evelyn. If you’re reading this, I want you to know how deeply sorry I am for the accident, for Ronin, for not being what Graham needed me to be. I don’t blame him for loving you. You are everything good about life. Please find it in your heart to forgive Ronin. Today … I will set him free. He will truly be yours again in every way. I love you, Evie. I’ll give your mom a hug, and we’ll look forward to seeing you again someday. But take your time. This life of yours is nothing to be rushed. Live it. Love without regret. But please … please … forgive.
Forever your favorite lesbian lover, Lila