Perfectly Adequate

I had sex with Eli, and he wants a do-over.

Dr. Warren knows I’m an Aspie, and he wants to have sex with me.

Eli doesn’t care about my Asperger’s.

By some miracle, I make it home without crossing the center line or driving off a bridge. Did I stop at red lights? Presumably so, since I can’t remember anyone honking at me.

I glance in my rearview mirror before pulling into the garage.

No blue Tesla.

The screen of my phone shows a string of messages and two missed calls from Eli.

Slow down, please.

You just ran a red light.

Jesus, Dorothy! Slow down!

You lost us. Pulling over to wait for you to answer your phone or reply to this message.

Maybe you can give me your address?

“Oh, fuck …” I murmur while texting him my address with a grimacing emoji.

I take my accidentally earned extra time to run into the house and make sure my parents aren’t sitting together on their sofa or making a mess in the kitchen. Or dressed in weird clothes.

“Dr. Hawk—” I shake my head. “Eli and Roman will be here soon.”

Mom looks up from her book. “That’s exciting.”

“No. It’s …” I grimace shaking my head. “It’s just … never mind. Where’s Dad?”

“In his garden, of course. Do you want to tell me now why you’re not at work today?”

“No.” I rush out of her living room to check on my bedroom. There’s no way I will let them into my bedroom, but sex at his parents’ house wasn’t on my radar either. I have to submit to the fact that Eli has his own agenda that doesn’t always match mine. Was sex at his parents’ his idea or mine?

Either way, I like his agenda—our agenda—sometimes … like earlier. I liked the hell out of it. I wanted to like it again, right after I liked it the first time, but that seemed greedy and maybe disrespectful to his parents and Roman.

“They’re here!” Mom calls.

I straighten my journals and run a hand over my bed to smooth out the comforter.

“Dad’s chatting with them.”

“No!” I run toward the door.

Is Eli upset about me telling his mom about doggy style sex? Will he get revenge by telling my dad? My dad is not the kind of guy you joke with about his daughter and definitely not about pounding her from the backside.

“Hey!” I practically burst out the front door, a little out of breath and a lot anxious about the situation.

Eli and Roman on my property.

Eli and Roman meeting my parents for the first time.

Eli with that I-just-fucked-your-daughter look on his face.

Okay, I might be incorrectly reading into that look, but it still feels like a real possibility.

“Hey. Glad you made it home safely.” Eli smiles at me.

“Sorry, I totally got distracted and didn’t pay attention to the fact that you were no longer behind me.”

“Your phone didn’t ring in your car?”

“She drives like a bat out of Hell.” Dad shakes his head. “And if she’s distracted, a fire alarm could fall on deaf ears.”

“You should introduce us, Dorothy.” Mom’s voice chimes right behind me.

“Randy already introduced himself. I’m Eli and this is Roman.” Eli holds out his hand to my mom.

“Kellie. Nice to meet both of you. Dorothy talks nonstop about you.”

“Mom …” I mumble between gritted teeth.

Eli winks at me as Roman tugs on his arm.

“Daddy, look!” He points to my Orville and Wilbur strutting toward the fence. “Listen, Daddy! Listen!”

I laugh. “Let’s go see them, Romeo.” I hold out my hand, and he takes it. “You can come too, Eli.”

“I’m good. I’ll just stay here and chat with your parents.”

“No. You need to come meet my emus.”

He chuckles along with my parents, but after a few seconds, I hear the rocks behind me crunching beneath his footsteps.

“Big bird! Daddy, look at the big birds!”

“Yes. What did I tell you they’re called?”

“Me-yous.”

Oh my god … this kid is so damn adorable. “Emus.” I lift him up as we approach the fence.

“This is Wilbur. He’s a lover.” I stroke Wilbur’s neck. “And this is Orville. He’s a little ornery. You’ll see what I mean. He’s a little more spastic.”

Ruff!

Gemma runs toward them. “And this is my girl, Gemma. She has access to the fenced-in area and the house. Orville has managed to get himself caught in Gemma’s access door more than once.”

“Soft …” Roman says with reverence as he pets Wilbur. “Look, Daddy! A doggie.”

As soon as the emus catch sight of Gemma running toward them, they take off like two robbers fleeing a bank.

“And so the chase begins.” I laugh.

“Who wears out first?” Eli asks.

“Gemma. Those birds can run for hours and then cool off in the pond or kiddie pool.”

“Daddy, look at the me-yous run!”

“They’re fast, huh?”

“Yes!” Roman punches the air with his little fist. “Daddy, look!” He points to my trampoline.

“Oh … that looks … dangerous.” Eli shoots me a tight-lipped smile.