But all those simple, vague plans that had consoled me were chaff on the wind.
After seeing her, I knew I was fucking ruined. The haze had cleared—if I couldn’t have her, no other woman would do. And I knew in my heart that I would never have her.
I’d seen heaven and could never return to earth again.
Up ahead, the old whitewashed cottage where I was headed came into view. The vines along the east corner were thicker now nearly covering one window and a crack in the foundation was wider than when I was here last. Still, blossoms of pink and purple showed their tenacity lining the aging stones where the structure met the rock soil and it made me think how something so delicate and beautiful can co-exist with something so hard and inhospitable.
As I slowed my horse to a trot, I felt pissed off and resentful. She was the one, but there was no chance in hell a warrior like me could have an angel like that. I was too sullied by life to have her, yet I could not imagine life without her. In the matter of a few moments, one glance and my future was changed, created and crushed all at the same time.
I dismounted and untacked, giving my horse a bucket of grain, two flakes of hay and a drink of water, and then headed toward the cottage, calling out to Angelica.
She and I had a long history. I’d known her since we were both brushing up on adulthood, and I knew how she felt about me, but we’d never fucked. She’d always been a good friend to me and vice versa, and I wouldn’t have done anything to change that.
I’d protected her from over-zealous customers back in her early brothel-running days, and even wiped the floor with some of them. The world went red when I saw her customers mistreating her or the other whores; men who disrespected women deserved all the pain in the world.
Over the years, I’d dished out plenty of pain in her defense. In return, she’d always given me a place to stay, a warm meal, trusted friendship and good advice. As for her body, she’d offered it often, free of charge, but I never agreed. For some men, sex was mere currency. But not to me. I respected Angelica far too much to treat her as a replacement for my own hand.
As I approached the house, I was proud to see the life Angelica had made for herself. She’d come a long way from running whores in the back rooms of the village tavern. Years back, she’d had a dozen or more girls under her wing, but now she was all on her own since the army moved on and the whores became camp followers. Her independence suited her. I walked up the front path, admiring the lush garden she’d managed to cultivate, full of medicinal herbs and plants. The door squeaked open and before I knew it, Angelica was in my arms, squealing and laying a big kiss on my cheek.
I embraced her, but my heart wasn’t in it. My mind was still with her. And, I knew, it always would be.
Angelica slid out of my arms back to her feet and looked up at me. Her crow’s feet were deeper than the last time I’d seen her, and there was even more wisdom and kindness in her eyes than I’d remembered, too. “The years are always good to you,” I told her, with a brotherly kiss on her forehead.
She giggled a little and slipped her arm into mine. “As they are to you. Is this the day you take me up on my offer?” She lifted her shoulder and her eyebrow in unison.
I knew what she was asking—she always did. But, as ever, I shook my head. “I just need a place to stay while I get my feet under me. I’ll pay my room and board—no arguments.”
Her eyes sparkled in the morning light and she smiled up at me. “Come in, Bors. You should know by now, your money has no value here.”
Angelica poured me a mug of ale and sliced into a fresh loaf of crusty bread as I sat down at her table. “So, what brings you through?” She asked.
Before I even thought about answering, I downed the ale and she poured me another. As I slathered the thick slice with butter, I told her my plans. Even though the encounter with that green-eyed beauty at the well had shaken me to my core, life would have to go on in some form or another. “Buy some grazing land, breed and raise horses to build up a livery stable. It won’t be easy, but I’ve got some money laid by and can call in some favors if I need them.”