In the elevator, I closed my eyes, reliving everything that had happened since I’d set foot on Las Vegas ground. I wasn’t that girl anymore. Fabiano had changed me but I couldn’t change him, wasn’t sure I wanted to.
Fabiano. He was on his way to Remo again, on his way to do the man’s bidding. I was grateful that he’d protected me; that he’d saved me, but the only reason why I had needed saving was because of the one thing he’d sworn his life to: the Camorra.
My father was responsible for his debts. My father had set me up. I knew all that. But my father, at least, had his addiction as an excuse. Fabiano, however, was in control of his actions. He chose to be Remo’s Enforcer. He chose the Camorra every day anew. He chose darkness and violence. He chose this life. And now it was my turn to make a choice.
I could admit that I was scared of my emotions for him, had been from the start. Over the years, I’d watched my mother fall for one horrible guy after the other, dragging her deeper and deeper into her drug addiction. Everything had started with her first bad choice: my father who had turned her into a whore.
Fabiano was a man people always ever warned me about, and yet I couldn’t stay away from him. His family had shaped him just like mine had shaped me. We were two sides of the same coin. Perhaps that was why I knew I needed to leave as long as it was still a possibility. But part of me didn’t want to go. There was nothing out there waiting for me. I was turning my back on something I’d longed for all my life: love.
I took a bus back home even though Fabiano always urged me to take a taxi, but I was out of cash, except for the few coins I’d found on the kitchen counter in Fabiano’s apartment. I’d handed Remo everything I had yesterday. Now I had to start from zero. If things kept progressing the way they had, I’d never be able to pay the tuition for college.
Perhaps I wanted too much out of life.
I hesitated in front of the door to our apartment. He was dead. And in some way it was my fault.
I took a deep breath before I moved inside. The smell of fresh coffee wafted over to me and relief filled me. At least, Mom was there. I quickly rushed into the kitchen to find my mother hunched over a cup of coffee. She looked up. There was a dark bruise on her cheek. I touched the spot. “What happened?”
“Your father and I got in an argument yesterday morning. He wanted money but I told him I didn’t have any.”
I dropped my hand. To think that I had risked my life for him. That because of him I’d been forced to see Fabiano’s darkest side.
He paid for his crimes. Fabiano made him pay.
Her glassy eyes scanned me from head to top. “Where is your father?”
“Gone,” I said hoarsely. “Dad is gone.”
“Gone?”
“He killed him because of me,” I admitted, and it felt good to voice the truth.
I put a hand down on my mother’s thin shoulder. She didn’t look sad. There was relief. “He got himself killed. Bets. Always bets and gambling. I told him it would kill him.”
“Yes, but in the end Fabiano killed him because of me. For me. To protect me.”
Mom’s blood-shot eyes were too knowing, and for once I wanted her drug haze. “That the one you love? The one with the cold blue eyes?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
“I thought he treated you well.”
“He did,” I said.
“Man like him usually don’t.”
“I have to leave.”
“Because of him?”
Because I loved him despite what he was.
“Because if I stay I won’t get the future I’ve wanted all my life,” I tell her instead.
“Sometimes the future we thought we wanted isn’t the future we need.”
I shake my head. “He isn’t a man I should love. That’s why I need to leave.”
Mom tilted her head. “Can’t run from love.”
It made no sense to talk to her about this. Every life choice of hers had been a mistake. We both knew it. “You have to come with me, Mom. You can’t stay here. Alone.”
She shook her head. “I got to pay off my debts to the Camorra. And I like it here. This apartment is better than the last one we had.”
“It’s Dad’s apartment.”
“Now it’s mine,” Mom said.
“Mom,” I gripped both of her shoulders, trying to make her see reason. “If you stay here, I can’t protect you.”
She smiled. “You have no business protecting me, Leona. I am your mother.”
“Mom—”
She stood. “No, for once, let me be the mother. If you have to leave, then do. But I can’t run again.”