Dishonorable

“Exactly your mother’s eyes. It’s remarkable,” he said once they’d broken away.

Although we looked very much alike, Lina had inherited mom’s eye color as well as her olive skin and darker hair, whereas I had my father’s coloring and eyes. I wondered if that’s what it was. If that was why he loved me a little less.

“Sofia,” he hesitated. “You look well.”

I couldn’t answer, my thoughts too confused with all I’d learned. With all he had to answer.

“Sit down, ladies.”

He raised a hand to call the waitress. We ordered drinks, water for Lina and me, and a glass of white wine for my grandfather, then sat studying our menus in silence for longer than was comfortable. While I hid behind the menu, I thought about how I’d do this, how I’d ask him my question, how to do it without screaming. My heart pounded, and I was sweating. And I hated myself for it.

Remarkably, we ate lunch without a mention of Raphael, of what had happened to lead us here. Lina did most of the talking, obviously nervous to leave even one awkward moment. Even though she didn’t know all the details, she knew the agreement of my marriage had been made between Grandfather and Raphael.

At the end of the hour, she stood to go to the ladies’ room.

“Should we go together?” she asked.

It would have been easier to say yes. To bury my head in the sand. But I couldn’t do that. “No, go ahead.”

Lina smiled and squeezed my shoulder. No matter what, she didn’t like conflict. Maybe she thought he and I would make up in these next few minutes.

I watched him as he watched her go. He then turned to me.

“How are you, Sofia?” he asked.

“Well, considering.”

“I want you to know that I acknowledge I chose poorly.”

He surprised me.

“I should have found another way.”

“Wow. You chose poorly.” I shook my head. “Yes, you should have found another way.”

“I’m trying to fix this.”

“Fix it how? Isn’t it too late for that?”

He didn’t answer. “I’m extending my trip, so you can spend time with your sister.”

“How generous of you.” I couldn’t say that I knew why. Like a fool, I felt too ashamed.

“Sofia—”

“Is what he said true? Are you stealing from us?”

There was a flash of something close to annoyance in his eyes, but he masked it quickly.

“Stealing from you?”

“And Lina.”

“You know the money is in your names, always will be. I married into the family. You two were born into it.”

“Are you stealing from us, then? Just tell me the truth.”

“I’m using funds required to bring you up the way you should be brought up,” he answered sharply.

“And you? You’re not setting any aside for yourself?”

“Don’t be ungrateful, Sofia. It’s not becoming.”

“Becoming?” I shook my head.

He picked up his glass of wine and took a sip. He’d hardly touched it throughout our lunch.

“Why do you hate me, Grandfather? What did I ever do to you?”

He shook his head. “I don’t hate you, Sofia.”

“You don’t love me either. Not like Lina.”

“Your jealousy is unfounded.”

“Is it because I’m the reason mom ran away to marry dad?” I blurted out. It was a question I’d had for a long time, one I never had the courage to ask. I’d done the math after finding letters from my mom to my grandmother. She and dad weren’t married when she got pregnant.

My grandfather’s face hardened. He tilted his head to the side. “I’m trying to amend my actions, Sofia. Trying to fix what I’ve done. Believe it or not, I don’t want to lose my granddaughter the way I lost my daughter.”

I faltered, not sure what I’d expected. It certainly wasn’t that.

“Are you looking for forgiveness, then? Do you expect mine?” I asked, this whole thing ridiculous.

He smiled and shook his head. I heard Lina’s sandals clicking on the marble floor.

“Don’t you think I know I don’t deserve that?” he asked. A moment later, he pasted a smile on his face, hiding any emotion he felt, and stood to help Lina into her seat.

We left twenty minutes later. I hadn’t spoken more than a few words once Lina had returned to the table, my mind too full with what grandfather had said. He’d seemed remorseful, which was strange for him. All this time, did he regret what had happened with my mother? Did he regret losing her because he couldn’t accept her choice of husband?

It was two hours later when we were on our way out of town that Lina realized she didn’t have her cell phone.

“I wonder if I left it in the ladies’ room at the hotel when I washed my hands.”

“We can go back. It’s just a few blocks that way.”

“My feet are killing me in these sandals,” she said.

I took her arm, and we turned toward the hotel. “Next time, wear smart shoes. Not pretty ones.”