Dishonorable

I wondered how much Damon and Lina’s day together had to do with the brothers’ fighting. I was dying to ask details of Raphael but couldn’t, not with Lina there. Instead, we made small talk, and every little sound had both Raphael and Lina glancing at the door. Damon never turned up, and it was past eleven at night when Lina finally went up to bed, her disappointment hard to miss.

“What was that at the chapel?” I finally asked when we were alone in his bedroom.

“Well—”

He pulled off his T-shirt and tossed it on the floor before facing me.

“Did you notice how he and your sister looked at each other when we got back?”

“I noticed something, but she’s sixteen. I mean, she’ll be seventeen in a few months, but I thought I was wrong, given the fact he’s at seminary and she’s, well, young.”

“I’m not saying anything happened. Damon’s far too responsible for that. Although today showed me a different side of my brother.”

“How did the fighting start?”

“I made some comment about what you just said, Lina being young, and he blew up. Things then rapidly moved on to your favorite topic. My anger issues.”

I bit the inside of my cheek, not denying anything.

“And it all just escalated into what you saw. You know, it’s maybe just years of anger he has too. I mean, I have no idea where he is in his head with what happened. With mom and, well, with what I did.”

“You’ve never talked about it?”

“We didn’t grow up talking about anything, Sofia.”

“I think it hurt Lina’s feelings when he didn’t show up tonight.”

“Well, it’s probably better off he didn’t. Not like anything could ever happen between them.”

Him saying that out loud, though, it felt strange, almost as if he were tempting fate. Too caught up in what he said, I didn’t respond but stood studying him until he took my hand and led me to bed.

I shared the discovery of mom’s perfume and lipstick with Lina. She didn’t have a connection with the scent I thought of as Mom’s, for which I was grateful. I didn’t want to give up my find.

She and I spent the next two days together. Eric drove us around to some of the villages during the day, then we’d go back to the house and swim into the evening. Raphael pretty much left us alone, and Damon remained a no-show. Whenever I tried to steer conversation toward him, Lina managed to turn it around. It was clear she didn’t want to talk about him.

On the morning she was to fly home, we got up early and took a long walk around the property with Charlie.

“I’m not sure who you’re going to miss more, me or him,” I teased.

“Both of you. I wish I could stay longer.”

“I tried, but Grandfather wouldn’t allow it.” I left out the part about Raphael thinking it was safer for her to go home anyway.

“Well, maybe I can come back over the Thanksgiving break. We can show Maria what an American holiday is like.”

“You mean we cook a turkey? You and me?”

“Nah. We don’t want to kill her.” She paused, hesitating for a moment before reaching into her pocket. “Do you think when you see Damon again you can give him this?” It was a sealed envelope.

I took it from her hand, studying her, trying to work out how far I could go.

“What happened with you two?”

“Nothing. Not really.”

She turned to walk, and I stepped alongside her. She kept her eyes on the ground, but I saw the small smile creep along her lips.

“I don’t even know how to describe it.” She looked up at me. “I mean, he’s twenty-four years old, and he’s going to be a priest. It’s not like anything can happen.”

“He and Raphael were fighting at the chapel yesterday. Physically fighting.”

“Did Damon give him that shiner?”

“He’s got a matching one.”

“Ouch. What was it over?”

“What Raphael told me was that he’d made some comment about how you’d looked at each other, and Damon blew up.”

“He did?” She searched my face, hopeful, but then hers darkened again.

“It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ll be on the other side of the ocean.”

“And you’re sixteen.”

“Almost seventeen.”

“He’ll take vows of celibacy.”

“He hasn’t yet.”

“Lina,” I stopped and took her hands to make her look at me. My sister and I were close. I knew Lina. But I realized then how, over the last four years, we’d been apart more than we’d been together. Lina wasn’t just my little sister anymore. She’d grown up. She was almost an adult. This—whatever this was that had happened between her and Damon—it belonged to her and something told me to let it be. To not push.

I suddenly didn’t know what to say. She looked at me like she thought I’d lecture her. Maybe that’s what she was used to with Grandfather. But that wasn’t what I wanted.