Insolent (Crimson Elite 4)

She goes to speak, but I cut her off. “Shut up, while you’re ahead.” My lips smash into hers, taking her next words away, and before I know it, my hands are up her skirt again.

“Inside,” she whispers, and it pulls me back, crashing me into reality. My hand stops from adjusting her lace to the side, and my lips let hers breathe as I take a large step back.

“I mean, if you want to do it in public, then…” she jokes.

“I have to go.”

She doesn’t say a word as I get into my car and leave.“You’re home.” My father’s sitting on the couch reading a newspaper. I didn’t realize people still did that. I nod my head and walk straight into Charles’s room. He’s smiling and wide awake when I step in, so I pick him up and carry him out with me. He grabs at my face and instantly every worry in me goes away at his touch. Nothing else matters, but him.

“He’s a good baby, much like you were.” I look up at him surprised. “Your mother was sick for a while after you were born, so I did most of the work associated with a new baby. All your diapers, bottles… you were never much of a screamer, always sat in your cot smiling when I’d come get you.” His eyes appear lost in thought. “Much like him.”

“Why did you stop?”

“It was her turn. She deserved to get to know you the way I had. She idolized you and was jealous when you cried and it was my arms that calmed you down. So, I pulled away and stopped picking you up and rocking you to sleep for her.”

“I don’t know what to tell Charles about his mother, I didn’t know her at all.”

“Get to know her now.”

I look up at him in disbelief. “That’s impossible.”

“Is it? She had a life. People knew her. She left you a letter that’s still sitting in the drawer which you haven’t opened.”

“I don’t want to open it.”

“She gave you the biggest gift a man can receive. Unconditional love. That’s what you will get from that little human right there. I get it from you. Even when you thought I didn’t care, you still loved me.”

“I don’t know if I can.”

“You can and you will… for him. Get photos of her, too. He has to know you can’t keep him in the dark about what his mother was like. Would you have liked it if I took every photo of your mother away so you forgot what she looked like?”

“No.” She was beautiful, I remember her well to this day.

“Exactly. So why do that to him? What she did wasn’t right… you get that, I get that. He doesn’t have to know that part of his story. And in the future, you will fall in love and hopefully marry, and that woman will give him everything you can’t. A boy needs his mother.”

“I didn’t—”

“You did, son. You had Ma. All you boys did. She was everything I couldn’t give you. I was glad when you found her.” He smiles at the mention of her name.

“You know you can move on, Dad?”

Dad’s eyes widen in surprise. “I’m trying, believe me. I think I might stay longer, if that’s okay with you?”

“Of course, you know you can stay as long as you want. You’re always welcome.”

He doesn’t answer, just smiles and walks over to kiss Charles on the head and does the same to me. “Goodnight, son.” He turns to go. “I’m proud of the man you are today. I want you to know that.”

Something in me changes or is happy, I’m not sure which emotion it is, but I needed to hear that. Not just the part where I should give Charles the memories of his mother, so he can get to know her, but the part where he said he was proud of me. I’ve never heard him say that. He hardly said much growing up, and the part where he raised me when she was sick, I didn’t know about that either. I see him in a new light, and I don’t want him to go. Is it sad for a grown man to want his father to stay? Because I do. I want him here, not for just me, but for Charles as well. He deserves to know the man who’s everything I hope to be.

Charles reaches for my face, and I now realize how hard it must have been for Dad to have had to stop picking me up at night, and rocking me to sleep. Because I’d hate to have to give up a second with Charles. You’d only do that for someone you love, and my mother was his greatest love.16Olympia“You’re leaving.”

My hands cross over my chest as I shake my head. “No, I’m not.”