I just hope Daddy won’t be too upset with me if he does come.
As I kiss Cassian goodbye and leave the stables, I wish that panic wasn’t his first reaction to stepping foot in my world. If he’s that terrified of a wedding, what would he make of the fact that I’ve been daydreaming about ours? A simple wedding outdoors, and Cassian looking handsome in a suit. Lots of flowers, and our horses would be there. I don’t know. I guess it’s stupid, but it makes me happy to think about it.
Judging from the frenetic pace of the preparations and the number of people who fill the house over the next week, the first high-profile wedding, since the revolution, is going to be an epic affair. Daddy and Wraye throw themselves into it. For most of the day, they sit at a desk in the living room with a crowd of people around them, showing them swatches of fabric for table runners and napkins, bouquets of flowers, and slices of wedding cake to taste.
When I leave for the stables in the early morning, they’re hard at work, and they’re still bent over table arrangements or readings for the service when I return. They look exhausted but happy at dinner in the evenings and flop on the sofas after to snuggle and twist their fingers lovingly around the others.
A few weeks ago, that might have made me roll my eyes and pretend to be sick behind their backs. But now, I’m filled with a sharp, envious feeling that makes me wish I was doing something intense and wonderful with a person who means as much to me as Daddy means to Wraye. I try to picture Cassian and I sitting on that sofa, out in the open, happy and comfortable together. It’s a stupid daydream, but it makes barbs of loneliness twist around my heart. They snake in tendrils, and then constrict suddenly, leaving me breathless and in pain.
One afternoon that week, Daddy finds me reading on the patio. He’s in his shirtsleeves and rolls his shoulders, as if releasing a year’s worth of tension, and then sighs deeply.
“Planning one wedding is more complicated than keeping the entire Court running,” he tells me, as he sits down next to me.
I put a bookmark between the pages of my book and place it on the table. He’s tired, but I’ve never seen him happier. “You’re an organizing demon. I know the wedding is going to be beautiful.”
“I hope so,” he murmurs, his bright, tawny eyes flickering over the garden. “I have this notion that I want everyone to see us together. Wraye and me. It’s strange.”
Not so strange. He was locked away and forgotten for so long. It must seem unbelievable to him that he gets to stand up in front of half of Paravel and say, Look at my bride. I love her, and I’m thrilled she’s mine.
He turns to me with a smile curving his lips. “I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that you and Wraye are friends again.”
“Me, too.” I return his smile, enjoying this quiet moment with my father. Wraye’s such a warm and thoughtful person, and I feel terrible now that I was ever angry with her. She’s kept her word, too, and not said anything to Daddy about me and Cassian, though that probably doesn’t matter since the engagement party. Daddy must have guessed by now that Cassian and I weren’t alone together just so we could talk.
“Thank you for letting me live my life,” I say softly.
Daddy’s brow immediately darkens, and his jaw hardens, but he keeps gazing at the garden. “I’m glad that riding makes you happy.”
Awkward. I wasn’t talking about riding, and he must know it. I think Wraye must have convinced him not to say a word about Cassian.
We sit in slightly tense silence for several minutes, watching the birds swoop overhead, diving for insects above the flowers.
“I was able to come to terms with you and Wraye because I know now that you can’t choose who becomes special to you.”
Daddy’s tense gaze suddenly grows glacial. He turns to me and says, “What do you mean by that, Aubrey?”
I want to shut my mouth now and run, but this is a conversation that has to be had. I struggle to express what I mean in a way that won’t make Daddy explode, but all I can come up with is, “You know what it means.”
He stares at me for an excruciating length of time. “Wraye and I are an unlikely match, but we’re both from the First Families of Paravel. By marrying each other, we’re bringing back centuries of tradition to a deeply scarred country.”
I only just suppress the urge to shake my head and cast my eyes to the sky. We were talking about love, and he had to go and make this about duty.