Gianna looked at me for a long time without saying anything. “I don’t want to leave.”
“You agreed to Luca’s offer, you said it yourself.”
“I did, because Luca took me by surprise with it. You were dying right in front of me. We’d barely survived a crash and the crazy Russians, and suddenly I was offered something I’d thought I wanted. I didn’t even really think before I said yes.”
I nodded, but didn’t say anything. I was tired of making the first move, of always pursuing Gianna. This time I wanted to hear something from her.
She sighed, her blue eyes tired. “You think I would have let you die if Luca hadn’t offered me a ticket to freedom, don’t you? That’s what everyone thinks, probably even Aria.”
I kept my expression neutral. “Isn’t it the truth?”
She glared. “No, it’s not the truth. When Luca mentioned his stupid offer, I had already started chest compressions. I didn’t know what I was doing and probably made every mistake possible, but I wasn’t just letting you die. I was doing everything I could even before Luca offered me freedom for your life. I would have never let you die, never. I know you don’t have to believe me. There’s no reason why you should. I could be lying for all you know.”
But I did believe her. I knew how to read people and Gianna wasn’t lying. I could tell how upset she was, more upset than I’d seen her in a long time. “I don’t think you do.”
Gianna didn’t even seem to hear me. She was scowling in the direction of the window, her cheeks flushed with emotions. “I knew the moment I saw you lying in your own blood that I didn’t want to lose you. I knew it, but I still didn’t want to admit it to anyone. I was so stupid and stubborn. I was being bitchy Gianna like usual. And once I’d agreed to Luca’s offer, I was too proud to tell him that I didn’t even want his stupid freedom. I didn’t want to leave you, didn’t want another life. I probably would have been miserable alone but too proud to admit it if you hadn’t broken down. It felt like I was giving up, like I was admitting defeat, which is so idiotic. How can love ever be a defeat?” She fell silent, eyes widening.
I had become very still, like a hunter who didn’t want to startle its prey.
She licked her lips nervously. I wished I knew what she was thinking, but I had a feeling I knew. She was probably regretting ever bringing up the ‘L-word’ and everything else that had bubbled out of her. That was who she was. Maybe she was waiting for me to say something first, to tell her I loved her, but I wasn’t going to open my fucking heart to her and risk her stomping on it. I knew what I was feeling, had known it for a long time but I’d never said it to her. I’d never said it to anyone. Admitting something like that made you vulnerable and so far Gianna had given me little reason to risk that. I’d hunted her long enough. Now was her turn. I wouldn’t push her in either direction. Everything from this point on would have to come from her.
“Luca’s offer still stands. You are a free woman. You can walk out of this building and nobody will stop you.”
“No,” she said firmly. “I’ve run from my emotions for too long.” She braced herself on her palms and leaned forward. “I want to be with you, Matteo. By God, I know I shouldn’t want it, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m sick of ignoring my heart. I love you.”
She kissed me almost desperately, her hands finding their way into my hair. My head was still tender but I’d have rather cut my own throat than told Gianna to be careful. I wanted to feel her lips, her fingers, her body. I wanted all of her. “You sure you mean it?” I asked in a teasing voice when she pulled back.
She nodded. “Yes. There’s no fucking doubt in my mind. I love you, Matteo. I don’t care what that makes me. I don’t care what other people think about me, about us. I don’t even care what Aria and Luca think. All I care about is us.”
I kissed her again. I’d never get enough of tasting her. “I love you, Gianna. I’ve fucking loved you for a long time.”GiannaHearing Matteo say that he loved me set my heart aflame. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so happy. I’d thought admitting my feelings to anyone would give that person more power over me, but instead I felt freer than I had in a long time. I’d fought my emotions for so long, had held myself back for no good reason. Now that I’d said everything that needed to be said I felt relieved. Maybe all this had started as something that had been forced upon me, but today, this life, Matteo, my marriage, were my choices, and I said yes to all of them.
Matteo’s kiss was demanding. There was no restraint, no sign that not too long ago he’d been unconscious. I knew it was stupid, but I wanted to feel him, wanted to show him with more than just words that I loved him. I pulled back and let my eyes wander down Matteo’s body. He was dressed in only a tight white shirt and boxershorts that did little to hide his erection. When I looked back up into his face, his gaze was transparent with lust. I’d never listened to other people’s advice, so why should I start now?
Matteo wouldn’t overexert himself. I would take care of him. I knelt on the bed, and gripped his waistband. Matteo smiled his shark-smile. “I thought you didn’t want to risk my health.”
“Oh shut up,” I said quietly. “Or do you want me to stop?”