Father’s outburst drew my attention back to him. “No, you can’t. I won’t have you around them. You are no longer my daughter, and I don’t want your rottenness to rub off on Liliana,” he thundered. He looked like he would have loved nothing more than to kill Gianna. It scared me. Shouldn’t he love us, his children, no matter what? If I ever did something he disapproved of, would he hate me as well?
“That’s bullshit,” Matteo said.
“Matteo,” Luca said. “This isn’t our business.” My eyes darted between the two, then again toward Romero whose hand was below his vest. A twisted part of me wanted to see him in action. He was probably amazing in fight situations, and an even worse part knew Mother, Fabi and I would be better off if Father was gone.
Mother wrapped her fingers around my wrist and took Fabi’s hand. “Come now,” she said insistently, tugging us toward the staircase and upstairs.
“That’s right. This is my family, and Gianna is still subject to my rule, don’t you ever forget that,” Father said.
“I thought I wasn’t your daughter anymore, so why do I have to listen to a word you say?”
My head whirled around, stunned by the venom in Gianna’s voice.
“Careful,” Father hissed. “You are still part of the Outfit.” He looked like he would have beaten Gianna if it wasn’t for Matteo who held her by the waist. Mother tried to pull me along but Romero glanced up that moment and his eyes met mine. His rejection on my birthday was still fresh in my mind, and yet I knew I still wanted to kiss him. Why was it that we sometimes wanted something that was impossible? Something that only led to hurt?CHAPTER FOURLiliana
Sometimes it felt like I had to prove myself to Father every day. He waited for me to mess up like Gianna had, but I wasn’t sure how that was even possible; he never let me out of sight. Unless I started something with one of my ancient bodyguards, there was no way I could sully my honor. But Father hadn’t forgiven Gianna yet, which was why I hadn’t seen her in almost two years. She was forbidden from coming to Chicago, and I wasn’t allowed to visit New York. If it wasn’t for Aria’s sneakiness, I wouldn’t even have been able to talk to Gianna on the phone.
Sometimes even I felt anger toward Gianna because her escape had turned my life into hell. Maybe Father would have been less strict if Gianna had played by the rules. And then there were moments when I admired her for her daring. There wasn’t a night when I didn’t dream of freedom. I didn’t really want to run but I wished I could carve myself out more freedom in my life. Freedom to date, freedom to fall in love and be with that person.
I didn’t even remember how it felt to be in love. Just like Gianna, I hadn’t seen Romero in almost two years. What I’d felt for him back then, hadn’t been love, not even close. It had been admiration and fascination, I knew that now. But there had been nobody else either. Of course, it was hard to meet someone to fall in love with if you went to an all-girls school and weren’t allowed to go anywhere alone.
The sound of glass shattering downstairs tore me from my thoughts. I jumped off my bed and opened my door. “Mother?” I called. She’d been gone all morning. There was no answer but I could hear someone moving in the kitchen.
I crept out of my room and down the stairs. “Mother?” I tried again when I’d almost reached the door to the kitchen. Still no answer. I pushed the door open and stepped inside. A wine bottle lay broken on the floor, red wine spilled around it. Mother was kneeling beside it, her cream-colored skirt slowly soaking up the liquid, but she didn’t seem to notice. She was staring down at a shard in her palm as if it held the answer to all her questions. I’d never seen her like that. I walked toward her. “Mom?” I almost never called her that, but it felt like the right choice at the moment.
She looked up, her blue eyes unfocused and teary. “Oh, you are home?”
‘Where else would I be?’ I wanted to ask, but instead I touched her shoulder and said, “What’s the matter? Are you alright?”
She stared down at the broken piece of glass in her hand again, then dropped it to the floor. I helped her to her feet. She wasn’t steady on her legs and I could smell alcohol on her breath. It was still early for her to start drinking, and she wasn’t really much of a drinker at all.
“I was at the doctor’s.”
I froze. “Are you sick? What’s wrong?”
“Lung cancer,” she said with a small shrug. “Stage three.”
“But you never smoked! How is that even possible?”
“It can happen,” she said. “I’ll have to start chemotherapy soon.”
I wrapped my arms around her, feeling helpless and small under the weight of that news. “Does Father know?”
“I couldn’t reach him. He didn’t answer his phone.”
Of course not. Why should he answer a call from his wife? He was probably with one of his mistresses. “We need to tell Aria and Gianna. They need to know.”
Mother gripped my arm. “No,” she said firmly. “It’ll ruin their Christmas. I don’t want them to know yet. There’s no reason to worry them. I haven’t spoken to Gianna in a long time anyway, and Aria has enough on her plate as the wife of a Capo.”
“But Mom, they’d want to know.”
“Promise me you won’t tell them,” she demanded.
I nodded slowly. What else could I do?
***Two hours later I heard Father come home and another thirty minutes later, Mother’s light steps came upstairs and then the door to the master bedroom closed. She’d been alone. Was Father still downstairs? I left my room and went to his office on the first floor. After a moment of hesitation, I knocked. I needed to talk to him.