Romero smiled darkly. “I sometimes forget that you’re an adult now and know the ugly sides of our world.”
“You better not forget,” I said. “I know more than all of you think.”
“I don’t doubt it,” he said. For an instant we only stared at each other. I felt calmer now.
“Thanks,” I said simply. Romero pulled his hand away from my back. I wished he hadn’t. His touch had felt good. He straightened and held out his hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet. The door to Mother’s room opened and Aria stepped out, her eyes zooming in on Romero and me. He let go of my hand, gave me an encouraging smile before he went to Aria to tell her how sorry he was about Mother’s death. Aria nodded but then her eyes darted to me again. Her cheeks were wet with tears. I walked toward her and wrapped my arms around her. Romero took that as his cue to leave but before he turned the corner he glanced over his shoulder and our gazes met. The cold and empty feeling in my chest eased and something warm and more hopeful took its place. Then he disappeared from my view. I almost went after him, but my sisters needed me now. Steps sounded behind us and then Luca was heading our way, lowering his phone from his ear.
“He doesn’t answer his phone? Did you try to send him a message?” Aria asked as she pulled back from me and hurried toward her husband.
Luca grimaced. “Yes, I sent him two messages, but he hasn’t replied yet, and he doesn’t answer my calls. I doubt he’ll be back any time soon.”
I returned into Mother’s bedroom even though my body bristled at the mere idea, but Aria needed some time with her husband. I’d only be the fifth wheel. Before I closed the door, I saw Luca cradling my sister’s face and kissing her eyelids. That was love and devotion. He wouldn’t have left her side if she’d been dying. He wasn’t a good man, but he was a good husband. I prayed that I’d be as lucky one day. I couldn’t live the life my mother had, with a cold husband who didn’t care about me. I knew Romero wouldn’t be like that. But it wasn’t like Father would choose him for my husband.
Gianna was back in her armchair but she was talking on the phone in low voices, probably with Matteo. She, too, had found someone.
Fabi was gone. I didn’t want to interrupt Gianna so I went in search of my little brother. I found him in his room, sitting at his desk and polishing one of his many combat knives. They were shiny already.
“Do you want to talk?” I asked.
He didn’t even look up, only pressed his lips together.
I waited, then I nodded. “Okay. But if you change your mind, I’m in my room.”
Romero waited outside. He nodded toward my brother. “Do you want me to talk to him? Maybe he needs someone who isn’t family.”
“You mean who isn’t female,” I said bitterly, but then I swallowed my emotions. “You’re probably right. He’d rather talk to you than me.”
Romero looked like he wanted to say more but then he walked past me and toward my brother. “Do you need help polishing your collection?”
Fabi’s head shot up. Admiration flickered across his pale face. He didn’t say anything but he handed Romero a cloth. Romero perched on the edge of the desk and unsheathed his own knife from its holster. A long, curved blade that looked absolutely deadly. Fabi’s eyes lit up and he rose from his chair to take a closer look. “Wow,” he breathed.
“I should probably polish it first. Your knives are in a much better condition.”
“That’s because they are only for show,” Fabi said. “But yours is a weapon, it’s real. How many have you killed with it?”
I closed the door quickly. I’d had enough death for one night. I didn’t want to know how many Romero had caused in his lifetime. I glanced down toward the bedroom where Mother’s corpse waited to be taken away, then I turned around and headed toward my room. Aria had Luca, Gianna had Matteo, and for the moment even Fabi had Romero, but I’d deal with this alone. I’d been doing it for weeks and months now.Romero
I wanted to be there for Lily, wanted to console her, but I respected Aria’s wishes. She too had gone through enough shit and didn’t need the additional grief of worrying about her sister.
Instead I showed Fabiano how to handle my knife, how to unsheathe a long blade as quickly as a short one. It was easy to distract him from his sadness. But damn it, he wasn’t the one who needed me most.
Needed you? Goddammit, if I started thinking like that now, I’d get myself in huge trouble. Lily wasn’t my responsibility, and she definitely didn’t need me.
Fabi drew his knife from the holster I’d lent him and grinned at how fast he’d done it. I’d been like that once, eager to learn everything there was about fighting, about winning. Eager to prove myself. My father had been a low debt collector, someone who never got to talk to the Capo directly. I’d wanted to be better, to prove my worth to him and myself. Fabiano had huge expectations resting on his shoulders, he had plenty of ways to fail, but very few options to excel.
“I need to go to Luca now,” I said eventually. Fabi nodded, and settled back on his chair. He picked up a cloth and polished the same knife again. I guessed he’d spent all night like that and maybe even the next few days.
I walked out and headed for the stairs but stopped in front of Liliana’s door, listening for a sound. Maybe I wanted to hear crying so I could storm in and console her, be her knight in fucking armor.
I moved on.CHAPTER SIXLiliana
I looked deathly pale in mourning. Aria, Gianna and I wore the same modest black dress and ballet flats, our hair pinned up in a bun. I didn’t wear make-up, even though the shadows beneath my eyes were scary. Father had organized a huge funeral; expensive oak coffin, a sea of beautiful flowers, only the best food for the feast afterwards. He acted like the devastated widower everyone expected to see. It was a marvelous show. He should have been there for Mother when she really needed him. This was only to impress people and maybe to make him feel better. Even a man like him had to feel guilty for abandoning his dying wife.