He leaned forward, coming closer and closer. My eyes fluttered shut, but the kiss I wanted never came. Instead I heard the creak of the door. I peered up at Romero. He’d opened the bathroom door wide. That’s why he’d moved closer, not to kiss me. Embarrassment washed over me. How could I have thought he was interested in me?
“You need to leave,” he murmured as he straightened. His fingers were still curled around my wrist.
“Then let me go.”
He did instantly and took a step back. I stayed where I was. I wanted to touch him, wanted him to touch me in turn. He cursed and then he was upon me, one hand cradling the back of my head, the other on my hip. I could almost taste his lips they were so close. His touch made me feel more alive than anything ever had, and I wanted more of this feeling, wanted to drown in it.
“Leave,” he rasped. “Leave before I break my oath.” It was half plea, half order.
I wanted him to break his oath, wanted nothing more, but something in his gaze made me back away a few steps. I was brave but I wasn’t stupid. Letting my gaze travel the length of him one last time, I quickly rushed outside and crossed the bedroom, only stopping to check the corridor before I left. There was nobody around so I stepped out and hurried toward my room. I’d almost reached my door when Gianna showed up, still dressed in pajamas and cup of hot chocolate in her hands. She halted, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “What are you doing sneaking around the corridor in your nightgown?”
Why did she have today to get up early?
“Nothing,” I said a bit too fast. I could feel heat creep up into my cheeks. When would my body ever stop betraying me in situations like this?
“Nothing,” Gianna repeated, crossing her arms in front of her chest and taking a casual sip from her cup. “Right. Isn’t Romero’s room in that direction?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. It’s not like he’s ever invited me over.”
“Doesn’t mean you haven’t been there.”
“Are you done with your interrogation? I don’t know why you suddenly try to sound like Father. It’s not like you’ve always been playing by the rules.”
“Easy, tiger. I was just curious. For all I care you can visit Romero and whoever else you want as often as you like, but you know how things are. If the servants catch you, rumors will spread like wildfire. You have to be clever about it and running around the house like a chicken without its head isn’t going to help. If Aria had caught you like this, you’d have a lot of explaining to do.”
“I did nothing wrong,” I said stubbornly.
Gianna smiled bitterly. “I know, but that doesn’t mean they won’t punish you for it. Just be careful.” She handed me her cup of hot chocolate. “I think you need it more than me.”
I’d thought I was being careful, but at least my sisters seemed to see right through me. I could only hope they would keep my secret from their husbands. Both Romero and I would get in huge trouble if people started to believe something was going on between us, even if there wasn’t. Nobody cared about the truth. I wished there was something to talk about, wished Romero had kissed me like I’d wanted him, wished he hadn’t stopped at kissing.Romero
I almost chased after Liliana to drag her back into my room and have my way with her. Damn it. She’d wanted me. It had been written all over her face plain as day. The first moment I’d turned around and seen her standing there with huge blue eyes, I’d thought I was imagining it. After all, I’d been thinking about her during my shower. She was on my mind way too often. If Luca knew how hard it was for me to concentrate at the moment, he’d have someone else protect Aria, and he’d definitely have me sent back to New York, far away from Lily. If I was a good soldier, I’d ask him to do it, but I didn’t want to go anywhere. I wanted to stay near Lily.
I ran a hand through my wet hair as I glared at the bathroom door. Why had I sent her away? She’d wanted me to kiss her. She’d wanted more than that. Why did I have to listen to my fucking conscience then?
But it wasn’t even morals that kept me from kissing Lily. It went against my oath, my duty, but that wasn’t the main reason. Even though she wasn’t really mine to protect, I still wanted to protect Lily, even from herself. She couldn’t possibly realize the consequences of flirting with me like that. In our world a girl’s entire worth was based on her reputation, her pureness, that was true in particular for girls from high-ranking Made Men. But even among soldiers only very few women were allowed to date someone they chose. We still followed the same rules from more than a century ago and I doubted that would change any time soon. If I let Lily close, if I let this thing between us unfold, if I took her the way I wanted her, then she’d be ruined in our society’s eyes.
Of course, there were plenty of things we could do that wouldn’t destroy her virginity. So many things, damn it.
That was a very dangerous thing to consider because if I really started to think of all the ways I could have Lily without ruining her, the likelier it got that I actually acted on those ideas, and I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to stop at a certain point. At least, not if Lily didn’t ask me to, and I had a feeling she wouldn’t.
During breakfast, I acted as if nothing had happened. Aria was already too attentive. And Gianna seemed to know more than she should as well.
Lily met my gaze when her sisters weren’t looking and the look in her eyes made my cock twitch. Today I’d given her an opening. She knew now that I wanted her.