I wasn’t sure if that was true, but I was grateful anyway. His acts of kindness still surprised me. I wasn’t sure what to make of the man in front of me. “Did you get the chance to say goodbye to your mother?”
Growl’s expression became even more guarded. “I saw her die, and that’s when I said goodbye. After that, they cut my throat, and I had to fight for my life.”
I flushed. Of course. He’d been a small boy who’d suffered horribly. It was hard to imagine Growl as anything but the powerful and cruel man in front of me. That he had once been an innocent boy was easy to forget.
I changed the subject. “When will you show me?”
“As soon as you’re done with your coffee.” He emptied his own cup and set it back down on the counter. I took two long swallows that burned my tongue and throat, then nodded. “I’m ready.”We drove for a long time until the flashy lights and crowded streets of Las Vegas lay far behind us. The landscape got rougher, and fewer and fewer signs of civilization were visible. Rocks rose up beside the street, glowing red and orange in the afternoon sun. The valley of fire. I’d only driven through it once before and that had been in the evening when the power of the colors wasn’t visible anymore.
Despite having lived in Las Vegas all my life, I’d seldom explored its surroundings. My family had never been the kind to do road trips. Our vacations had been to Aspen, Mexico or the Bahamas. My chest tightened sharply at the memories of our last ski trip to Aspen last February. Even Father had allowed himself enough free time to ski with us, and in the evening we’d all gathered in front of the roaring fire in our ski lodge.
Suddenly I couldn’t appreciate the sparse landscape anymore. This road trip was one of goodbye. I’d never spent a vacation with my whole family again, never see my father struggle to keep the fire burning in the fire place, letting out curses while mother reprimanded him for it. I wasn’t even sure if I’d ever see my sister again, and if something happened to her, neither Mother nor I would be able to live with it.
I had to force myself to keep breathing, despite the tightness of my throat. Growl peered at me but I ignored him. I didn’t want to talk to him. My emotions were a whirlwind, I could hardly understand. I doubted he’d be able to and I worried that he’d try to talk me out of visiting my father’s grave after all.
Eventually he pulled the car off the asphalted street and drove along a dirt road. Our wheels swirled up red dust that settled in a thick layer on the windows. Growl tried to get the dust off the windows with the windshield wipers, but in vain. The vibration of the car as we drove over bumps and smaller rocks made me feel sick, and I closed my eyes. I wasn’t so sure if this was a good idea after all. But now it was too late to turn back without having to explain myself to Growl. I didn’t want to appear weak.
The car came to a halt and I looked outside. We were in the middle of nowhere. There wasn’t even a dirt road anymore. There was absolutely nothing.
“It’s here,” Growl said matter-of-factly. He looked at me as if he was waiting for some kind of response, but there were no words in me at the moment. I nodded merely to show him I’d understood. He opened the door and got out. I took a deep breath and pressed my flat palm against my stomach, hoping to calm myself. No chance.
I got out of the car and the heat slammed into me like a fist. How could anything survive out here? My eyes searched the horizon for any sign of civilization but we were the only people around.
“Come. It’s too hot out here to stand around.”
He stalked off, not even checking if I was following. Of course he didn’t have to be worried that I’d run away. There was nothing to run to out here. I’d die of thirst or heat before I found another person. But I realized then that he had been less cautious in general around me recently. He began to trust me.
As I followed Growl through the sand, another thought suddenly struck me. What if Growl had grown tired of me and decided to dispose of me out in the desert? Perhaps I’d asked too many question, gotten too close for comfort? I wouldn’t survive long out here if he abandoned me. He didn’t even need to kill me, the desert would.
I shook my head. My imagination was running wild. Growl had no reason to get rid of me. He enjoyed my company, even if he tried to hide the face.