Love Under Quarantine

“I could eat.”

I lift up the laptop and bring it to the kitchen. “Babe, you can always eat because you survive off sugar and snacks that go in the system and have no staying power. Let the master show you how it’s done.”

“Ooh that sounds fun. I’ll just watch you cook while I drink.”

I chuckle while pulling out some ground turkey.

“What’s that?”

“Ground turkey. For tacos.”

She makes a face. “I thought you use ground beef for tacos.”

“Not as good for you as ground turkey, but I promise it tastes the same.”

“I’ll give anything a whirl as long as I didn’t have to make it. What else?”

I show her the seasonings I use and get the meat simmering while I cut up the tomatoes, green leaf lettuce, and avocado. “I’ve got a light sour cream and a low-fat cheese to go with it.”

“Low-fat cheese. Does not compute, Sparky.”

“It’s good. You’ll not be able to taste the difference.”

“Uh huh.” She doesn’t sound convinced. “And what about that green stuff you got there.” She points to the counter.

“Avocado and lettuce.”

“Lettuce is practically see-through. That is dark green. Bleh.” She makes a gag face.

“Baby, you’re eating lettuce. Jesus. How have you survived before me?”

“What can I say? My body knows what it likes, and it isn’t green in color.” She blinks her lashes prettily as if that’s going to get me off her case.

“You’re eating it or I won’t have video sex with you again.”

Her mouth drops open. “That’s torturing yourself as much as it’s torturing me. And totally unfair. You can’t use sex as a tool to get me to eat healthier!”

I grab a red pepper and start cutting it up. “I can and I will. I want you alive for a long, long time. Besides, what will happen when you’re carrying my baller babies? A fetus can’t survive on candy alone.”

“Pshaw! If you take away all my candy you won’t be getting any sweet time from me in order to get me pregnant in the first place. Ha! So there!” She huffs and crosses her arms over her chest.

“Are we honestly bickering about future babies and fetuses we haven’t even created yet?”

“You bet your fine ass we are. If this body is going to carry your giant children—because let’s be truthful, you’re massive. Hot, good looking, and panty-dropping sexy, but you are huge! That’s a con when considering future progeny. So you should be thanking me for even considering opening my womb up for business. Which means treats are life, and you will let me have as many of them as I want!”

“Fine, woman! Eat all the candy you want!” I fire back caving in.

A full minute goes by of us looking at one another with mock glares. Then I burst out into raucous laughter. I can’t stop. The entire scenario is fucking hilarious and I’m so damn thankful I have a woman in my life who’s willing to go head to head with me on any little thing that matters to her.

Before long she’s laughing right along with me. “Man, being hangry makes me a whacko!” She admits with a shy note to her voice.

“You don’t have to tell me, lady. I just watched you plead your argument and win your case all in one breath! Lesson learned. You do not have to tell me twice. I’ll stay five feet from your candy shelf at all times. Swear.” I cross my heart in a peace offering.

“That’s right, buster! And don’t you forget it. I’ll defend my candy intake to the death! Now when are those tacos gonna be done? Your woman is starving!”

“All right, all right. Coming right up.” I finish plating two fully loaded tacos. I load up four tacos for myself and set those on the coffee table before taking her plate to her door.

She’s gone when I come back. Probably watched me from her peephole.

When she re-enters the screen, she’s got a taco already half in the air going toward her mouth.

“Baby, you didn’t wait for me again,” I say like a wounded child.

She shrugs. “Snooze you lose.” She mumbles around a mouth full of food.

“What am I gonna do with you?”

“Feed me. Water me. Sex me?” she offers, quite helpfully.

“Deal.”

“And treat me with care.” She finishes on a whisper that sounds a lot like a plea.

I look into her soulful blue eyes. “I will, Sadie. With everything inside me. I will treat you with care.”

She smiles and it lights up my life.

I lift up the taco and salute her. “To Team Edward.”

That has her fist pumping the air wildly. “Yaaaaaasssss! To Team Edward. Okay, ready…” We both hold up our TV remotes. “Go!” We hit the un-pause button at the same time, so the movie doesn’t echo through both our speakers.

It works.

A good meal, a sort-of-interesting movie, and an amazing woman at my side.