It’s never gonna fit.
I remember that line from My Deal With the Duke—when Max told Jane not to be afraid to speak her mind with him. If our desires are not compatible, so what? We couldn’t make each other happy anyway.
If I turn Luke off with my bucket list, we weren’t meant to be together anyway.
And I don’t even want to be together. I want to come. I want intense. And like Luke said, the only way I can get it is to tell my truth.
And that’s what I’m going to do for once.
“Let me go grab my bag in my car,” I say. “I have a notebook—”
Luke turns and grabs a pad of paper and a pencil from beside the phone on his counter. Then he crosses the kitchen and sets them on the small round table in the corner.
“Come here.” He pulls out a chair. “If you need some space, just say the word. But I’d love to sit in on this bucket list session if you’re cool with it.”
He’s looking at me. Hair drying in these wild licks and waves, making him look like a deliciously rumpled, lumberjack-Jude-Law-lookalike.
Splash of Chris Evans to top it all off.
I cannot.
“Depends,” I say, sitting down. “Are you going to laugh at me?”
“What’s the first thing on your list?”
“Are you going to laugh?”
He flattens his palm on the table in front of me and leans down. Leans in. Surrounding me in the smell of Ivory soap and his skin.
The tension between us is so thick I can taste it in my mouth.
“Don’t make me ask twice, Gracie.”
“Please tell me you’re this bossy in bed, too.”
“Only one way to find out.”
I meet his eyes. Pulse pounding.
“Fine.” I feel like my heart is five seconds from popping out of my mouth. “Probably the first thing I’d put on my list is anal. I’ve never done it before, and it’s always something I’ve wanted to try.”
His nostrils flare. Just once. Revealing a flicker of feral.
Then he straightens. Reaches for my hand and without preamble brings it to his crotch. He presses my palm against an impressive erection. Curls my fingers around it.
A single, blaring pulse of heat impales me right between my legs.
Right where I want him.
“That feel like laughter to you?”
I swallow. Resist the urge to squirm as my pussy floods with heat.
It’s not just his dick that’s egging me on. I mean, let’s be real, this amazing, alarmingly large penis I’m touching right now doesn’t hurt. But his obvious arousal points to an obvious acceptance of, and even excitement for, my fantasies.
Well. One of my fantasies, anyway. Yeah, it’s not even that exciting or weird or interesting of a fantasy to begin with.
Still. It’s something I’ve never shared with anyone else. I took a leap. And Luke seems pretty damn willing to leap right beside me.
“So I guess my list isn’t scaring you off yet,” I say.
“Nothin’ scary about butt stuff. Clearly,” he replies, pressing my hand down a little harder. “Can I sit?”
I glance at the chair beside mine. At the small, neat pad of paper and sharpened pencil waiting for me on the table.
“Yes.”
He releases my hand. It shakes as I pick up the pencil.
He lands heavily in his chair. One hand on his beer. He spears the other through his hair, letting out a long, low breath that rustles the pages on the pad.
My body rises on a wave of awareness at his proximity.
“Why haven’t you written your list down?” he repeats, taking a sip of beer.
I take a sip of my own before replying. I’m catching a little buzz. It feels nice. “I was too scared. Too wrapped up in other people to think about myself.”
His eyes are fire when they meet mine. He nods at the paper, once.
“Let’s think about you now. You wanna try anal. Write that one down.” He waits while I do as he tells me. My handwriting is awful and uneven. But I get the word down.
I am writing my list down.
A thrill moves through me. This is weird. And awesome. And obscene.
And awesome.
“What else?” he asks.
I take a deep breath. Determined to ride this wave.
“Phone sex,” I say.
Luke’s lips twitch. “I’ve never actually done that.”
“Really?”
“Nope.” His eyes are smiling again. “We’ll be losing our phone sex virginity to each other.”
I let out a breath. Something about that idea—that he’s new to this, too, that he’s willing to try it—makes my confidence perk up.
Makes me hot as hell.
“How sweet,” I tease.
“Don’t lie. You like the idea of me bein’ your first as much as I like the idea of you bein’ mine.”
I do like it. A lot. And that makes me feel…
Things. Many confusing, overwhelming things.
I write phone sex underneath anal.
This time, Luke doesn’t have to prompt me to keep going.
“I’d like to have sex in public,” I continue, eyes on the paper as I write. “And sixty-nine-ing is something I’ve always wanted to try.”