“Plus, Randy…” I started, but shook my head, not wanting to dive into it. “Well, let’s just say I know he wouldn’t be okay with me having a boyfriend, and I don’t want to deal with that right now. Not when I’m just settling into being free of him.”
Jordan blew out a long breath, squeezing my hands. “I understand.”
He looked so hurt, so defeated, and it killed me.
I leaned into him, looking him in the eyes as I said, “I like you, too, Jordan. And I’d love to get to know you more, to see where this goes… but, I have to be realistic, and we have to go slow.”
“I don’t know how to not treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”
I smiled, heart swelling. “You can, just… can you also live with knowing I’m yours, but keeping it between us for now?”
His lips twitched into a smile when I said the words I’m yours, and I smiled in return.
“So, dating on the down low.”
I nodded. “As secret as if it were an affair.”
His mouth screwed to the side at that, but he considered, nodding after a moment. “Okay. But, I have one condition.”
“State your condition, Coach.”
Jordan chuckled. “You have to come to my brother’s wedding,” he said. “As my date.”
“Jordan…”
“It’s not until November twenty-sixth,” he said before I could argue. “That’s a full two months away. By that time, playoffs will be over and we’ll be in the offseason, so you won’t have to worry about the team for a while. That gives us two months to warm Paige up to the idea of us.”
“But Randy—”
“Randy is your ex-husband,” he reminded me in earnest. “He doesn’t get to hold power over you anymore.”
My heart squeezed — both in warmth and in warning — and I chewed my lip, considering his proposal.
“What do you say,” he asked after a moment, peeling his hands from mine before he extended one. “Do we have a deal?”
I fought against my growing smile, shaking my head. “You’re ridiculous.”
“I’m serious when it comes to making promises and keeping my word,” he amended for me. “I’ll agree to your half of the deal, if you agree to mine.”
My mouth pulled to one side, but I reached for his hand anyway, and he shook it firmly as if he’d just sold me a car.
“Fine, I’ll be your wedding date,” I said, but I quickly held up a finger at his victorious smile. “But, I still want to have a discussion before we tell Paige. Or anyone else, for that matter.”
“Tell me what?” Paige asked, bounding outside with her hair braided and football in hand.
“I told you to wait inside,” I warned her, standing with Jordan, already missing the warmth of where his hands had been in mine.
“It was a commercial break, and you guys were taking forever,” she said, dragging out the word.
“Well, let’s get you warmed up, Miss Impatient,” Jordan said, holding up his hands for the ball. “Hit me.”
Paige grinned, tossing him the ball before she ran out into the backyard, and just like that, they were in practice mode and she’d forgotten what she’d heard when she’d walked outside — that was the blessed attention span of a nine-year-old in all its glory.
I made my way back inside, cleaning up the dishes from breakfast as I watched Jordan run drills with my daughter under an overcast sky. Every now and then his eyes would find me, too, and he’d smile, and I’d smile, and my heart would race in an exhilarating stampede of excitement and fear.
Autumn was upon us, alright.
And I had a feeling the leaves wouldn’t be the only things falling in the upcoming months.JordanUp until that point in my life, each month had fit into a category.
When I was younger, they were separated by school months and summer months.
When I graduated high school, things blurred a little, and I began to measure them by the seasons, noting the different weather each month could bring.
When I got the coaching job at Stratford High, and every year since, the months had simply been divided into three: football season, off season, and summer training.
October, in my old life, would have fit right into the middle of football season. I would have greeted it with a nod and an otherwise non-affected state of determination to keep doing what I’d done in September and drive my team closer to the championship.
But now, it wasn’t just October, the last month of football before we found out if we were going to the playoffs or not.
It wasn’t just October, cool weather and colorful leaves and homecoming and Halloween.
Now, it was October, the first full month of Sydney Clark being mine.
It didn’t matter that no one knew it but me — which was surprising, because it wasn’t my usual game to play. But after our discussion at her house the morning after our game against the Serpents, we fell into a rhythm, into a sort of dance where we kept our distance and remained professional at school and around Paige, but blurred those lines when we were alone.