“Yeah,” he says. A pause. “I do miss her, but I think I miss who I thought she was. You know? Not who she really is.”
I inhale a stiff breath, blowing it out as calmly as I can as I scrub a hand down my face. Clayton is around the same age I was when I realized who my mother truly is, and I remember how badly it killed me.
I hate that it’s doing the same to him.
“Hey, we have each other, right?” I remind him. “What else do we need?”
“Not a damn thing.”
“That’s right.”
I change the subject to football, asking how his season is going so far. He’s a sophomore and already on the varsity team, a wide receiver with stats more impressive than I ever had when I played in school.
After a while, we end the call, and I walk the rest of the way to the house in a fuming silence. As soon as I get back to the Omega Chi house, I lock myself in my room, text Becca that I’ll see her later in the week, and then run a shower so hot my skin is a bright red when I finally emerge.
I might as well have steam wafting off my skin with the anger still sourcing through me, and I can’t get my thoughts straight to figure out what I want to do next.
Before I realize what I’m doing, I have my phone in my hand, Erin’s name on my screen, and a text message written in the box below it.
Me: Are you free? Really need someone right now.
I stare at the words, eyes welling with tears that burn as I try to figure out why the hell she was the one I thought of, why she was the name I typed, why she was the one I wanted to talk to.
None of it matters, not anymore.
Not since I realized everything I thought we had between us was a lie.
The truth is I can never lean on her.
She’s the last person I can trust.
I delete the text, swiping at the one tear that managed to slip free from my eye before it has the chance to roll down my cheek.
Then, without a plan or a single fucking clue as to what I want to say, I open my laptop, pull up Facebook, and message the woman who gave me life.“AND… I JUST FEEL…” Adam grunts, straining himself up and planting a kiss on my lips before he lowers back down to the ground, his hands behind his head. “A lot… of pressure… you know?”
Another lift. Another kiss.
Sit-ups are my favorite.
“That makes sense,” I tell him, holding his feet firmly down to give him support as he lifts again. The sun has just set over campus, and on top of the parking garage where we like to be masochists with our workouts, there’s a spectacular view of the pink and purple sky, and the lights flickering on all across town.
I also don’t mind the view of his glistening abs, still tan from our days in the sun this summer, flexing and releasing each time he does another sit-up and gives me a kiss.
“You’re the first person to ever be president for a second term in Alpha Sig,” I remind him. “Anyone would feel pressure.”
“I just… think I need… to do something… different,” he continues, and I chuckle at him trying to speak through the effort.
“Like what?”
He lifts once more, grabbing my face this time and holding me to his mouth for a long, hot kiss that sends a jolt through me before he lets me go. He smiles, tracing my bottom lip before his eyes find mine. “One hundred. Your turn.”
“I’m not doing a hundred.”
“You’re doing fifty. Now, come on, switch.”
He grabs my breasts and squeezes them through my sports bra before I swat him away and lie back, not ready for my torture.
“Wipe that look off your face, you know you love it,” he says.
“I do not love it,” I argue, doing my first sit-up and kissing him before I lower back down. The first few are easy, but when I get to the tenth, my abdomen fires up in protest. “I’m doing it because I’m a biology major and a future doctor and I need to learn how to put nutrition and fitness in the forefront of my priority list. That doesn’t mean I have to like it, though.”
Adam smiles, kissing my nose on the next sit-up. “You’re cute when you’re complaining about a workout.”
I flip him off, but continue the reps as he starts in on his ideas for his second year as A Sig president. Now that we’re a couple of weeks into the school year, I’m in my routine, feeling solid for the first time since I got to Palm South University. Maybe it’s because I’m finally in my cornerstone classes, or maybe it’s because Adam and I are together, finally, without anyone or anything in-between us.