Ritual - Palm South University

She sits us on her bed, wrapping her arms around me and leaning her head on my chest. For the longest time, we just hold each other, and she takes long, exaggerated breaths, cueing me to do the same.

After a while, she whispers, “Is this about the trip?”

I sigh, running my fingers over her hip where I hold her against me. Just feeling her warmth already makes me feel better. “Partly.”

“How did it go?”

I swallow. “Well, Clayton is convinced I’m a monster because I don’t believe our lying, sack-of-shit mother when she says she’s back for good.”

“Was she drugged out?”

“No,” I admit. “She seems clean, actually. But I don’t trust it.”

“What’s the other part?”

I sigh, debating how much I should tell her. “I just met up with Erin, and we… we had a fight.”

Becca stiffens in my grasp, sitting up even when I try to hold her there in my arms. She shakes her head, looking out her window before her eyes land on me. “You saw Erin before you saw me?”

Shit.

I let out a long sigh. “She asked if I’d have dinner with her,” I explain. “She wanted to apologize.”

“For what?”

Fuck.

Another hot breath leaves my nose, and I roll my lips together, looking anywhere but back at Becca.

“I asked you last semester if there was anything between you and Erin, and you said there wasn’t.”

“There’s not.”

“Then why are you holding this…” She waves her hand in the air. “Grudge against her? You haven’t talked to her or about her since the night of Skyler’s poker tournament, and now you’re meeting her for dinner for her to apologize for… what?”

I swallow.

“What happened, Bear?”

Still, I don’t answer. And it kills me, because I know Becca is pissed, and hurt, and as much as I am angry with Erin, it’s still not my place to tell anyone what happened.

Becca shakes her head, sliding off the bed before I can stop her. She stands, crossing her arms and watching me. “Maybe you should look at that.”

I frown. “At what?”

“You told me about what happened with you and Shawna, how you never forgave her, even when she came to you begging for you to understand. And when you held a grudge against Skyler for half a semester. And how you wrote off your mom completely, and now that she’s back and legitimately trying, you won’t have any part of it.”

Defensiveness prickles in my chest, and I stand up, too, ready to combat her. But she holds up a hand to silence me.

“And, on top of all that, whatever is happening with Erin that she needs to apologize, which — judging by the way you were acting when you first got here — I’m assuming you didn’t accept either.”

I clamp my mouth shut at that.

Becca shakes her head, her golden eyes thick with confusion and pity as she watches me. “You don’t give second chances, even when someone maybe deserves one. Why is that, Bear?”

I blink at the accusation, skin hot and uncomfortable for the way it sinks into my gut like an anchor.

Becca holds her hands out toward me, palms up, desperation in her voice. “Have you never made a mistake? Have you never hurt someone?”

My little brother’s words echoed on my girlfriend’s lips.

She waits for me to answer and gives me plenty of time to do so. But when I don’t, she just shakes her head, tears blurring her vision as she opens her door.

“I think you should go,” she whispers, her eyes finding mine. “And maybe think about that. Because we’re all human, Bear. We all fuck up. I know I have. And if I was never forgiven for my transgressions in the past, I don’t know where I’d be today. Besides… holding onto all that anger, all the resentment?” She swallows. “It’s tearing you up.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, moving toward her, but she flinches away, opening the door wider. “Please, don’t make me go right now. I need you.”

“No,” she argues, looking at me pointedly. “What you need is time alone with yourself. You’re just too scared to take it.”

We stand there, watching each other for what feels like an eternity, and her words melt over me like lava, burning my skin, scarring my heart. Eventually, I nod, and as soon as I’m out her dorm door, she closes and locks it behind me.

For the first time since last semester, I don’t feel numb.

For the first time, I feel all the pain, all the betrayal, all the resentment and anger I’ve been trying to work out of my system with weights and cardio and drinking.

Becca’s right.

I do need to be alone.

But I’m fucking terrified of what will happen now that I am.HERE’S WHAT I KNOW about our precious little shining star of an intern, Sophie Miller.

She’s a junior at Palm South University, majoring in Public Relations with a particular interest in working as a publicist for high-profile executives. She’s not in a sorority, but seems to be very in with the Greek crowd, thanks to dating the president of Zeta Rho Kappa her sophomore year and becoming affectionately known as “one of the guys” in that circle. She’s a self-proclaimed country girl from Central Florida, and her favorite party trick is shotgunning a tall boy faster than any guy who tries to compete against her.