The breeze is crisp and cool, but my skin is so hot from the adrenaline and the tea that I revel in the feel of it, closing my eyes and inhaling deep.
Gavin slips his hand into mine, pulling me to a stop in the middle of the alley.
“What?” I ask, eyes fluttering open.
His eyes watch me carefully, flicking back and forth, a small crease just above them. He steps into me, slowly, backing me up until I hit the brick wall behind me.
My heart picks up speed with the way his demanding gaze devours me, and when my mouth parts, his fills the space, the kiss soft but sure.
Now my heart is thundering so loudly, it’s all I can hear in my ears, and I grip Gavin’s shoulders, so afraid I’ll pass out at any moment that I can’t do anything but hold on. His hands thread with mine, and he pulls them up to either side of my head, leaning into me and licking my bottom lip gently before his mouth captures mine again.
A spark of something hot and electric shoots down between my legs, and it surprises me so much that I stiffen and shy away from it, panic filling my chest.
Gavin seems to notice, and he slows his kiss, pressing his forehead to mine. “Is it okay that I’m kissing you?” he asks on a whisper, pausing with his lips over mine until I answer.
“Yes.”
“You’re shaking.”
I swallow, nodding.
Gavin releases my hands, framing my face and searching my eyes with his. This close, everything about him surrounds me — his dark and soul-piercing eyes, the heat from his chest and his hands on my skin, his scent — vanilla and oak and tobacco, something like a leather shop and a bar.
“No one has touched you since that night.”
He says the words softly, kind of like a question and kind of like something he just realized he should have known all along.
I swallow, not sure how to respond, but knowing that my silence is answer enough.
Gavin closes his eyes, blowing out a breath between us before his thumbs trace a line on my jaw. He holds me there for a long time, silent, our chests heaving, and bodies still pressed together in heat and want and — for me, a mix of fear, too.
“I may be a little fucked up, Erin,” he says in the dark. “But I won’t hurt you.”
I close my eyes at his words, fighting back emotion, because against every ounce of logic I’ve managed to hold onto in my life, I want to believe him.
“Can I…” He swallows, waiting until I open my eyes to look at him again. “I want to touch you. I want to make you feel good.” His hands slip down to circle my waist, and my next breath is shaky at the heat they funnel into me. “Can I try, if I promise to stop anytime you want me to?”
Panic zips through me, but it’s overpowered by a want so fierce I can’t believe I haven’t felt it in almost a year now.
“I’ll stop if you want me to,” he promises again. “Just say the word.”
Everything inside me wants to run and hide with as much urgency as I want to wrap myself up in him and lose myself in the way it feels to be wanted and touched and desired. I have no idea which one will win, which one holds the most power.
But there’s only one way to find out.
Slowly, I nod, threading my hands back through his hair and pulling his mouth back to mine. He answers with a passionate, bruising kiss, and I surrender.
I’m still wearing my dress from Chapter, and as he slowly kisses me, Gavin slips one warm, rough hand underneath it. I grip his shoulders, holding on as he lifts one of my legs and balances it on his thigh.
His eyes connect with mine between kisses, and I know I’m breathing so loud they can probably hear me inside the club, but I can’t control it. I can’t do anything but hold on and try not to pass out as Gavin runs his hand up my inner thigh, cupping me over the lace of my panties.
The moment his warmth covers me, I gasp, eyes fluttering and head falling back.
“Are you okay?”
I nod, deftly, and Gavin kisses my neck softly and sweetly before moving the lace of my panties aside and running one finger between my folds.
I inhale stiffly at the feel of his skin on mine, of him touching me where I haven’t been touched since the night four boys took what wasn’t theirs. I’ve spent the last year trying to block out that night, to forget their touch, to unhear their laughs and grunts and crude words as they took their turns on me. Most nights I failed. Most nights I laid awake with the nightmare burning in my mind so fiercely that it felt like it was happening all over again.