And I’m scared.
God, I’m scared. I’m scared of her leaving unexpectedly again and fucking Clayton up. I’m scared of her starting to use again and him getting caught up in it, the way Carleton had. I’m scared of Clayton and Mom becoming close and leaving me somewhere on the outside looking in.
But something I decided that day on the beach was that I wouldn’t let fear drive my life.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been working on me. I’ve been studying, focusing on school, working out more but drinking less. I’ve been spending time with my fraternity brothers, video chatting with my family and trying to put my fear aside to form a bond with them in understanding rather than suspicion.
And I’ve been thinking about how to make things right with Becca.
A deep inhale is my only preparation, and then the door swings open, and I lay eyes on Becca for the first time in weeks.
Her hair is wrapped in an orange and blue bohemian turban, tied in a swirl knot at the front with just a few tendrils of curly hair peeking out around her ears. Her face is void of makeup and she’s wearing leggings that I know have holes in the thighs from her wearing them so much, along with one of my hoodies, which nearly knocks the breath out of me because it tells me I have a chance before I’ve even spoken a single word.
She looks effortlessly beautiful, just like always.
And what makes her even better is that she’s even more gorgeous where no one can see her.
Her heart.
Her mind.
Her soul.
“Hi,” I whisper after a moment.
“Hey,” she says, opening the door a little more for me to walk through.
I go straight back to her bedroom, and when she shuts the door behind us and crosses her arms, waiting, I take my shot.
“Becca, I am so sorry for the way I’ve been acting this semester. You were right to kick me out that weekend after Halloween. And you were right about me needing time alone.”
“I didn’t want to, you know,” she whispers. “Kick you out. Not see you for weeks.”
“I know,” I say, and not overthinking it enough to talk myself out of it, I cross the room and pull her into my arms.
She’s stiff at first, her arms still crossed between us, but slowly, she unwinds them and wraps them around my back, resting her head on my chest with a sigh.
“I’ve missed you,” she whispers.
“Not as much as I’ve missed you. I promise you that.”
Grabbing my hand, she leads me to the bed, sitting with her legs crossed by her pillows while I take a seat in front of her. “How have you been?”
I blow out a breath, looking around her room at the dream catchers, the moon phase tapestry, the old record player and an open dream journal on her desk. Incense burns on a small slate of wood in the corner, and I smile, loving that that scent will forever remind me of her.
“Shitty,” I confess, capturing her golden eyes with mine. “But I’ve been taking a lot of time to work on myself, and to think about everything that’s been fucking me up. I’m not one-hundred-percent better, but… I’m working on it. And that’s a step.”
“A big step,” she agrees. A frown slips over her. “Anything you want to talk about?”
“Yes, but not tonight. If that’s okay.” I reach for her, pulling her into me as we lie down in her sheets. “Tonight, I just want to hold you, and kiss you, and touch you, and make you feel how important you are to me.”
She smiles against my lips as I kiss her. “I like the sound of that.”
“And I promise I’ll talk to you about everything I’ve been working through. Oh, and I had an idea.”
“Do tell.”
“I did a lot of thinking about what you said.” I swallow. “About Erin. And it made me realize that I don’t know a lot about you and your friends, either. And I want to.”
I don’t miss the way Becca shifts in my arms at the mention of Erin, but I hold onto hope that this idea is a good one.
“What if we host a Friendsgiving?”
“A what?”
“Friendsgiving. It’s Thanksgiving but with your friends instead of your family. Jess hosted one last year…” I frown. “Actually, it was kind of a disaster, but ours won’t be. I was thinking I could invite Erin, and my Little, Josh. I would invite Skyler, but she’ll be out of town. But you could bring your friends, too — your roommate, your best friend from high school. You said she’ll be in town, right?”
Becca nods. “Yeah… she will be. Are you sure this is a good idea? Did you and Erin work through whatever weirdness is going on between you two?”