Ritual - Palm South University

I sigh, forcing myself into an upright position with more effort than should be necessary. Once I’m leaned back against the headboard, I meet Skyler’s gaze. “Honestly?”

She nods.

“I feel like maybe this is a sign from the universe.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that Adam and I have been a train wreck since forever. When we weren’t together, when we were with other people and trying to be friends, when we finally became more than friends… we just keep hurting each other, over and over. We always have some kind of drama, some kind of misunderstanding, some kind of fight.” I swallow, eyes flooding with tears when I remember how he turned his back on me by the pond. “That can’t be healthy, can it? I mean… are we ever just going to be okay?”

Skyler offers a soft smile, scooting over until she’s right next to me before pulling me into her arms. I lie there limp for a long while, quivering lip and blurry eyes, and then I finally wrap my arms around her, too.

“You’re too smart to think love will ever be easy, Little.”

I sigh, resting my head on her shoulder. “But should it always be this hard?”

Skyler frames my arms, pulling back so she can look at me. “You and Adam spent years denying what you had between you. Okay? And you were both so damn good at it that I didn’t even see it — and I dated the guy.” She chuckles. “To go from that, to being together… it’s not an easy transition. You have years of history, of hurt, and now you’re in this fragile time of building trust.”

“And I blew that trust to hell…”

Skyler frowns. “Well, not the words I was going to use, but… kind of.”

I sigh, scrubbing my hands over my face. “I don’t deserve him.”

“Yes, you do,” she argues. “And he deserves you. If any two people in the world were meant for each other, it’s you guys. But, here’s the thing… he’s right. You have to choose him over everyone, and he has to do the same. That’s the only way you’re going to shake your feet free of this muck that’s got you guys stuck in the past.”

“I didn’t choose Grayson over him.”

Skyler crosses her arms, releasing mine. “Don’t get defensive with me. I’m calling you on your shit, so accept it.”

I huff. “I hate you sometimes.”

“Why was it so important for you to keep a friendship with Grayson, anyway? The guy cheated on you, Cassie. He was a pretentious asshole, too.”

I lean my head back against the headboard. “Do you remember when Clay fucked me over my freshman year, and I lost Paris because of that whole ordeal?”

She nods.

“I never got over that. And it wasn’t even Clay I was upset about. Not really. I mean, did he deserve my virginity? No. But what girl loses her innocence in some perfect, magical way? That’s not what I was hurt over. What hurt me the most was losing my best friend.” My eyes fill with tears again. “I don’t like losing people. I just want everyone to love me and stay forever.”

Skyler smiles, reaching out to rub my elbow. “That’s understandable. We all want to be loved for who we are. But the truth is… you’re going to lose people as you grow. A lot of them. Friends, family, people who you thought would be a part of your story forever. The older we get, the less we give a shit about what other people think, and the more we start coming to terms with who we are, what we want, what we stand for.” Skyler shrugs. “It’s natural to lose people in that process.”

I nod, sniffing. “I guess I just believed Grayson. When he said he was sorry, that he wanted to be friends… it felt like getting a second chance. Like I could have Adam and Grayson both.”

“Sounds like a lot of work to me,” Skyler says. “To be devoted to your boyfriend and also friends with your ex.”

I blink. “God, it sounds so stupid when you say it like that.”

“It’s not stupid,” Skyler says gently. “But it was maybe a lapse in judgment. It was acting on the desire to hold onto something in the past, rather than to embrace a new and brighter future.”

“A future I blew to smithereens,” I say on a sigh.

“Talk to him.” Skyler stands, squeezing my shoulder. “Go for a walk, take a shower, and make a plan. Figure out a way to reach him even when he doesn’t want to be reached. Because I promise you, he’s just as miserable as you are right now. If there’s anything I know about Adam, it’s that he loves you more than he loves himself. More than he loves Alpha Sigma. More than he loves anything in this world.” She smiles. “He doesn’t want to lose you, either, Cassie. You guys just have to get out of your own way and stop the bullshit.”