“You’re welcome to be optimistic, even if it also makes you very wrong.”
“Uh-oh. What happened?”
I drop down in the chair beside her. “He wants to be involved in Kody’s life.”
Eden pushes her glasses up her nose. “Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. It’s just . . . what if he wants partial custody? He has bags of money. He can hire a nanny, have someone take care of everything for him if he wants to, and what do I have? This job and a tiny apartment. I’m just . . . scared.”
“But isn’t he, like, still way into you? And you’ve been pining for him for the past year. I mean, you named your son Kodiak, Lainey. I think that pretty much tells everyone where you’re at with this guy.”
“But that was before I knew he was a professional hockey player. You should’ve seen it last night at the coffee shop. There was a swarm of people waiting to take pictures with him and get his autograph. And the women were the worst! It didn’t matter if they were teenagers or grandmothers, they practically dry humped him!”
“Can you blame them, though?”
I give her an exasperated look. “How am I supposed to deal with that? He used to be this huge playboy, and I’m sure women are constantly throwing themselves at him. It’s nothing like I thought it would be, and now I’m connected to him for the rest of my life because of Kody. I just wanted a normal life.”
“You had a normal life, Lainey. It was making you miserable.”
“Being homeschooled and getting my degrees by correspondence isn’t normal.”
“What is normal these days? I know this is hard, but he’s going to be part of your life no matter what. You know what I think the real issue is?”
“What?” I mutter into my coffee.
“It’s not that he’s a hockey player—it’s not the lie, which I think you can probably get over. I think it has more to do with being afraid that he’s going to come swooping in and try to take care of you, and you’re going to equate that with losing your independence again.”
“That’s not—”
“True? Are you sure about that, Lainey? We drove across the country when you were seven months pregnant because your parents were smothering you. I’m going to go ahead and say you’re really not keen on anyone trying to take over your life like they tend to.”
“It was pretty extreme, wasn’t it?”
“We can always blame the hormones.”
“And now what do I blame?”
“Hormones and protective mothering instinct. And fear of having your heart broken, because let’s face it, Lainey, even though he didn’t mean to, that’s exactly what he did the first time.”CHAPTER 19
WOO THE BABY MAMA
Rook
Leaving Lainey’s apartment last night wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. First and foremost, my experience with babies has been limited to my nephew and my teammates’ kids. Sure, I’m good with them. I can make them giggle and smile, but the second they start to cry, I pass them back to their mother and I’m on my way.
Kody is mine.
I made him.
And I’ve had sweet fuck all to do with his mother or him since his conception. So I’m a little out of my depth here.
Also, I know Lainey. As much as she’s changed, I’m aware that she’s the woman I rescued from a thunderstorm. The same one who had never been on a plane before her trip to Alaska. And the woman who’s been through some pretty traumatic stuff and still manages to be sweet, innocent, and a touch naive. But she’s also fierce, strong, and determined. And whatever happened to bring her to Chicago has brought out that strength, which is both sexy and, frankly, really fucking inconvenient.
A year ago she would’ve welcomed me back into her life without batting an eyelash. One heroic rescue attempt would’ve been all that she needed, but now she’s different.
I hit the gym, as one does when there’s stress and preseason training coming up. It’s ten by the time I’m done with my workout. I consider calling my brother, but it’s early on the West Coast, and if there’s half a chance Max is still sleeping, I don’t want to be the reason he wakes up—so I message my sister instead, since she’s an early riser, to see if she’s around to talk. She’s been in LA for her master’s program. She might be younger than me, but she’s female, and she can usually provide perspective I don’t have. Thankfully, she’s awake, so I video chat her.
“Hey, big brother!” Her smile turns into a grimace as my image fills her phone screen. “Whoa, you’re looking rough.”
“Last night wasn’t great,” I admit. The part where I met my son was, but the part where I made both Lainey and Kody cry overshadows that.