The Boy Who Has No Hope (Soulless 6)

He relaxed at my touch.

Derek got comfortable then stared at Dr. Collins.

With his pen in hand, the doctor crossed his legs and got comfortable. “I think the first thing we should do is discuss your hesitation. Most of my patients feel the exact same way, feel very awkward telling a stranger all their private thoughts. You don’t share that information with people who you are closest to, so why would you share them with me? You aren’t alone, Dr. Hamilton.”

Derek just stared.

“So, tell me why you think this is a waste of time.”

Derek propped his cheek against his closed knuckles again. “Because I’ve done it before—with no success.”

“How many sessions did you have?”

Derek was silent again for a while, like he might not answer. “Two.”

Dr. Collins didn’t take any notes.

“I know you’ll say that isn’t long enough, that’s why it failed,” Derek said.

Dr. Collins shook his head. “Actually, no. It failed because you weren’t ready, you didn’t want to be there, and the person you spoke to didn’t fit. That’s what I think.”

Derek turned slightly farther to him, as if that response piqued his interest.

“So, are you ready this time?” he asked. “Because if you aren’t, we have no chance of success.”

A long pause consumed the living room, absorbing into Derek’s skin like lotion.

I tried not to stare at him, but it was difficult, because I gauged his feelings from the look in his eyes, but I didn’t want to overwhelm him with attention.

Derek continued to hold his silence, his eyes on Dr. Collins. “I said I would try…so I will.”

Dr. Collins gave a nod. “That’s a great attitude. I can tell this will be much different from your last experience.” He made some notes in his book. “Emerson didn’t give me a lot of information because I like to learn about my clients through personal conversation, not from a different source. But she did tell me you have unresolved guilt that’s been weighing you down for some time. Most of my clients have lived through something very traumatic, and those experiences make them feel a lot of things—and guilt is one of them. I can also tell you that we can work through this together to give you closure, to allow you to move forward with a stronger sense of self and happiness. The only thing I can’t tell you is the duration of that process, because every person is different. But we will reach the finish line—at your pace.”

Derek stared at him.

“Are you ready to tell me about the event in question? Or should we talk about something easier? Like your work, family, something you’re more comfortable discussing?” He held the pen to the paper, ready to make notes.

Derek cleared his throat as he considered it. “I’m an aeronautical engineer and physicist. I work in collaboration with NASA and the government to further our advancement and technology in space exploration.”

“That’s fascinating.” Instead of writing notes, he just listened.

I kept my hands in my lap and stared at the side of Derek’s face.

“Anything else you can tell me about?” Dr. Collins asked.

“I’m also a professor of engineering at NYU to graduate students.”

“Then you’ve got a full schedule,” Dr. Collins said. “The fact that you took time out of your life to be here, doing this, when you could be doing something much more interesting is a testament to your attitude.”

The longer they talked, the more Derek loosened up. “Emerson wanted me to do this…that’s why I’m here.”

“Yes, she cares a lot about you,” Dr. Collins said. “It’s essential for all of us to have people who we trust, especially at this intensity, and the fact that you have someone you can be so transparent with is a testament to your character, because it isn’t easy earning that kind of loyalty from someone. She told me she’s your assistant, but I can feel a closeness between you two that’s profound, and I can tell this isn’t part of her job. She’s here because she wants to be here, because you’re someone worth her time. You must be a remarkable person to earn that from her.”

Derek dropped his gaze for a moment, the silence lingering, and after an eternity of quiet, he found a response. “It says more about her character than mine. She’s just a selfless person.”

“I respectfully disagree, Derek. You have someone sitting beside you who thinks the world of you, and she doesn’t think that way about anyone else. Based on everything she’s told me, at least.”

I felt my heart race because I wondered if my feelings weren’t as invisible as I thought. I rejected a physical relationship because I knew I would want more, and if I allowed myself to feel anything at all…I would feel everything.

Derek looked away for a long time. “I feel the same way…about her.”