The Boy Who Has No Hope (Soulless 6)

There he stood, in jeans and a black hoodie. In his hand was a copy of the resignation letter, like he’d been holding it since he’d first picked it up. His brown eyes were fierce and emotional, as if my decision to quit was somehow another betrayal.

I stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind me, so my family wouldn’t have to hear the fight we were about to have.

Derek held up the letter. “I don’t want you to go.”

I crossed my arms over my chest, cocking my head to the side because I was genuinely shocked by those words. “Really? Because I assumed you were trying to get me to quit. Problem solved—I’m gone. And I don’t appreciate you coming to my personal residence like this. It’s completely inappropriate. I don’t wanna work for you anymore, so leave me alone.”

He slowly lowered his hand with the letter before he crumpled it up. He stared at the floor for a while then he released a heavy sigh, a breath that made his nostrils flare. “I wouldn’t have come if you’d answered my calls.”

“I didn’t answer because I don’t want to talk to you. You’ve had a whole week to talk to me, and you’ve chosen to ignore me, insult me, and humiliate me in front of your colleagues.” I didn’t mean to raise my voice, but my anger was sweeping me away. “Why the fuck would I want to talk to you, Derek? Yes, I have a daughter. Didn’t realize that was such an egregious crime.”

He rubbed the back of his neck as he sighed again. “I don’t care that you have a daughter. I care that you lied about it.”

“I didn’t lie! My business is my business. I don’t owe you anything.”

He dropped his hand to his side then shoved the ball of paper into his front pocket. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry about my behavior. I was just angry, even though I have no right to be. I’ve just… I’ve got trust issues. The first woman I trusted made a fool out of me and destroyed me. Then I met you, and it’s the first time I wanted to try again, to be vulnerable with someone, to let someone into my life completely. And then to find out you have a whole life I don’t know about…it just hurt.”

I started to soften for him when I shouldn’t. He’d treated me like dirt all week with no contrition at all. “You never told me how you felt. If you had, I would’ve told you. I was always under the impression that you’re just my boss.” That wasn’t entirely true, but I’d never expected our relationship to become physical.

He was quiet for a really long time, his eyes drilling into mine. “You know I’m bad at stuff like this, emotions, relationships, shit like that. But I know that a man and a woman don’t have the kind of relationship we do without…it being more. Maybe I misread you, but I don’t think I did. So I’ll just ask you. Do you feel the way I do?”

My arms tightened across my chest, hiding my frantically beating heart. There was a catch in my throat, and I suddenly felt hot all over. I had no idea what to say. I tried to think of a diplomatic response, something professional, but we were at the point where we couldn’t pretend nothing was here. “Derek, you’re the sexiest man I’ve ever seen…”

His eyes narrowed slightly, like those words struck him deep.

“And everything underneath that skin…is even better. I can honestly say you’re the perfect man.” I couldn’t believe I said all that and looked him in the eyes as I did it. “But it doesn’t matter how I feel because we can never have a relationship.”

His breathing had picked up while I talked, and the intensity of his gaze was deeper than it had ever been before. When he spoke, his voice was slightly shaky. “Why?”

“Because of my daughter.” I wanted this man more than anyone else in this world, and I wouldn’t allow myself to picture a fantasy where the two of us were together because it was cruel to even consider. My daughter was the most important thing in the world to me, and I could never be with a man who didn’t want her. “I know how you feel about kids, and I can’t have a relationship with a man that’s separate from the one I have with my daughter. I haven’t even tried to be with anybody because I’ve been waiting for her to move out before I try to date again. I just have casual flings to stay satisfied. I would make an exception for you, but we both know you can’t give me what I want. You can’t just be with me—you have to be with her too. And since she’s not moving out for the next six to ten years, that’s too long to wait.”