All too soon the water is turned off. He wraps a towel around me and I finally open my eyes again. His face is unreadable and I begin to feel uneasiness creep up my spine. He lifts me into his arms and carries me to the giant bed, where he pulls back the covers and lays me down before covering me back up.
“I’ll make you something to eat.” He turns away from me and walks over to his dresser. I watch as he pulls down his wet boxers, tossing them into a hamper, before pulling out a pair of flannel sleep pants and putting them on. I curse them for blocking my view of his firm ass that I only got to see for a moment. He turns to look at me. My eyes goes to the scar over his shoulder and he mutters something I can’t hear before walking into his closet. When he comes back out he has a tight black shirt on that covers up the scars.
I want to say something, but no words will leave my mouth. I’m used to that. Normally it doesn't bother me, but right now it does. I want to say something. I want to know what he’s thinking.
“Eggs and bacon okay? All I can really make without burning the house down.” He gives a shrug, his face still not giving anything away.
I just nod at him. He gives me one last look before turning to leave the bedroom. When he disappears out of sight the emptiness I’m used to settles inside of me, loneliness I hadn't even noticed had been gone since waking up in Cole’s home.
I slide from the bed and hop down. I use a towel to dry my hair and go to his closet to find a shirt I can wear. I grab a gray one that reads Army across the chest, slipping it on over my head. It falls almost to my knees.
Making my way out of the room, I head down the hallway looking for the kitchen. I pause in the living room when I hear him on the phone.
“Hey, Lauren, I just got your message.” There is a long pause. “Yeah, I can check into it. Is it not normal for some of the girls to shower at the school?”
My stomach knots at his words and I know that reality is now crashing in. I glance over to the window and see the snow has stopped. The sky is still gray, but I can tell it’s early morning. I don’t want to have this talk with Cole or admit all the things I’ve been doing. I know he said I wasn't in trouble, but I don’t think he knows all I’ve done.
I don’t want him to look at me differently. He made me feel desired. Wanted. Even if I can’t have him I want to protect this morning. Not have it crushed. I need to get out of here, but I have no idea where I’ll go. Maybe I should try the church. I start looking around the living room for my jeans. I see my coat, backpack and hat but nothing else.
“Let me call you back,” I hear said behind me. I turn to see Cole staring at me.
“Where’s my stuff?” I blurt out in a rush.
“Why do you need it?” he questions, taking a step toward me. I take a step back.
“I should go,” I tell him. I try to raise my chin, putting some force behind my words.
“Fuck!” he yells, making me jump, as he runs his hands through his messy dark hair. With the lights on in the living room now he looks even fiercer. You'd think being pressed against him I would have felt how big he really is, but standing back and taking him all in, I realize just how much bigger than me he is. He’s a bit more than a foot taller than me.
It's clear he hasn't let up from his workouts since leaving the Rangers. Every part of him is hard muscle and angles. His mouth is set in a firm line. The usual easy smile he has when I see him in town is long gone. I wonder if he's pissed about the phone call. Pissed about learning more about who I really am.
I turn and half run down the hallway. My eyes start to fill with tears. My nose burns. Before I make it to the bedroom, where I plan to lock myself inside to get myself under control, Cole is on me, pinning me to the wall.
His big hands and arms cage me in. His breathing is heavy. He drops his forehead down to mine. “I’m sorry. I shouldn't have touched you. You were vulnerable and I took advantage. I don’t know what came over me. I don’t seem to be myself around you,” he says, completely misunderstanding why I’m upset.
7
Cole
I let my hands drop from the wall and cup her face I don’t want to overwhelm her with my size. She’s so fucking small compared to me. She needs to eat and I want to be the one to feed her. Take care of her.
She belongs to you now. The thought crashes through my mind. A deep longing takes hold. I want that to be true. I feel protective of her. I know what I did in the shower was wrong. I don’t know what came over me, but I had to touch her. She makes me feel alive again. As if I’ve been numb and she’s brought me back to life.
The need to have her come undone in my arms clawed at me like nothing ever had in my life. I wanted to make her feel good. I wanted her to become addicted to me and all the things I could do for her so she’d never want to leave. I saw the need in her and I wanted to please her.
But when I laid her down on my bed, guilt rode me hard. Or I thought that was what it was, but the more I thought on it the more I think I felt guilty about not feeling guilty. If that even makes any fucking sense.
Her hands go to my chest, her fingers digging into my shirt. For once I wish I didn't have my shirt on, which hasn't been normal for me since I got my scars. I wanted her hands on my bare skin. To feel the warmth of her.